My world has never been perfect. I am so very aware of that. I, however, try my level best to deal with each and every situation as it arises...but lately, ......well, I know a saying that goes a little like this "God never gives you more burdens that you can bear"....at least it goes something like that. I gotta tell ya. Lately. Wowzer. I am feeling a little weak in the knees. So much is happening to family members around me and I have little if any influence on outcome.
Trying to find a place of quiet, balance and calm is integral to my well being, or at least I always thought it was....but lately I seem to be floating on some sort of ship that doesn't seem to be heading towards a port of quiet and calm. If I extracted only the surface parts of Christmas I could make it sound real nice....but the meat of the matter is ...it was a very "different" Christmas season. My kids were not with us, my Mom and Dad were discontent, and the spirit of Christmas that seems to float in the air and I breathe it in and actually feel different due to the wonderful feeling that to me is Christmas was not to be had. I feel like I kinda missed Christmas. Don't get me wrong, my brother and his wife, were great hosts. They planned lovely meals, drove us to shopping spots that I had never heard of, shared their home and hearth with us and happily so. It was just strange to be away from our own home, away from our kids, away from the traditions that we have put together to make Christmas a special and meaningful time for us. There was an anxiety hanging about, a restlessness of spirit that just would not go away. My Dad had an "episode" whilst were at my brothers....poor Dad, we were not sure if we should call 911 or not....turned out the "episode" passed and he recovered but it certainly threw my brother and I for a loop.....as we were the only two to be eye witness to it. yeash....that was Christmas morning. Did I mention that it was a strange and different Christmas......so many things happened that I know I had little if any control over.....but it was the lack of tradition that mostly had me in a flutter, I believe. Not in our own home, none of my kids around me, no church service on Christmas eve, ah....so many things. I have my feet so deeply embedded tradition and the familiar that once I am pulled out of it....I feel like a turkey that someone threw from an airplane and said ....now fly! Try as I might, I am just not made up that way. Next year. ...yep, you got it.....staying home.
I hope each of you who have wandered in to patiently read my chatter have a wonderful 2007 and you find peace, contentment and love in abundance over the next twelve months!!
Stay tuned......
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I don't know the specifics, but I'll be praying for you and yours... and there is still a few more days of Christmas now that you're home, so maybe you can take in some of those traditions. Hugs to you:)
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