The good, the bad and the ugly

Reflections.
The Good. The Bad . The Ugly. 2008
The Good

- healthy grandson added to the family!
- another year of okay health.
- stayed in touch with brother L more so than ever
- won over the "red circle" of job position!
-found I really don't suck at golf!

The Bad


- heart monitor in February, yeash!
-Dad passed away in March
-Tracy killed in car accident in April
- Cheri passed away suddenly in August
- job issues arise.
- hubby has some "muscular" issues

The Ugly

-nothing is "ugly"....just challenging! Finding the positive in every day can be difficult, but if you try.....you will find it. It's there...sometimes hidden under a lot of ugly...but it's still there. I have been told I have a "pollyanna" attitude - finding a silver lining in the dark cloud so to speak...I dunno if that is true....but to keep yourself above the whirlpool of despair you have to do something ......or you just get sucked into the muck. I refuse to get sucked into the muck! if that means I have a pollanan attitude..so be it.

Dreaming

Like most people, I suppose, I dream. But I seldom remember any of my dreams.
I did have a vivid dream the other night about my Dad. Dad passed away in March of this year.
I have not dreamt of him until now.

"I pushed his mobile bed into a very large, waiting room type of "room". One wall of the room was a massive, filling that entire wall was a pane of glass. I picked up Dad as best as I could to show him, as I said....'Dad, you can see me whenever you want now. Look. ' Looking through the glass, I could see the rooms in our home. " There is a little more to the dream but nothing significant.

Strange dream. I know.

Making a difference?
What have I done, of late, to make a difference in someone's life?
I will be accountable for all my actions and reactions someday, will I be content with looking back and seeing my accomplishments, my triumphs, my disasters, my mistakes, my foolhardiness (?) wait is that actually a word...well, it is for now....I need to try harder, be more aware.

Last night I finished a chapter in the book I am currently reading, The Ragamuffin Gospel and after finishing the last sentence I pondered on what I had read for a long time. Funny how sometimes reading a thought or idea can just stop you in your tracks and make you take a good hard look at who you are, what you are...where you are going, as well as a reminder of "Who's" you are.

Anyway, it was a moment. Made me think in many directions.....plus the making a difference deal....along with a lot more.

Always growing. Always....

events

We went to a wedding yesterday. Lovely young couple starting out in life.

Earlier in the day I took our little grand-daughter shopping for some "preschool" clothes. What a fun day with her, she makes me smile with her wit and charm...her constant questions and zest for life is highly contagious. She is a delight to be around. After finishing with shopping we stopped to see Grampa and Uncle Bear.....her exuberance in seeing faces she loves transfers onto those around her, just by looking at her you can feel her delight! It was a wonderful afternoon.
Our little grandson slept the entire shopping trip, only to awake to be fed and then show off his smile numerous times over! He is a handsome and sweetly chubby little fella, a wonderful armful.

Today is a wee bit gloomy outside but I have much to get down around the house, so best get at it.
I picked up a book on Feng Shui at work. Interesting reading, I found that as I looked around the rooms in our home that I had put into place some of their "ways'....did I do it by instinct or is there something to this method of "flow"...I dunno. I hear people talk about feng shui and I knew nothing about it, really still don't ....but did find interesting to flip through the paperback.

I have been limited in my "challenge to grow" reading material. But I am working my way through a rather good book "The Ragamuffin Gospel"....I am sure many have read it before myself but I have found a kindred soul in this author. I like his style of writing, his conversation method of having you wanting to pursue the next chapter. Brennan Manning is a author I shall look forward to reading again.

I hope everyone enjoys this Fall season.....it's one of the prettiest season we are fortunate to have in this province.

gone but not forgotten

I had some quiet time today and was jolted with the memory that I had this space to plunk away some thoughts. It's been awhile.



since April I became a Gramma for the second time, a handsome little boy is now in our world to protect, love and cherish.



since April I have become a Mother in law once again, I now have a beautiful daughter in law added to our family.

since April I have lost a sister in law (August 8) and have just returned home from yet another heatwrenching funeral.

I always thought life was a balance, you needed to keep it 'balanced' in order to stay healthy....this past several months have been challenging to try to keep any order of balance going on. I keep trying.....I guess that is important....keep trying.

Enough already.

Enough already.
This week, our daughter had some difficulty with her pregnancy. All is well, but sure threw us for a loop, TWICE.
My Aunt called me today to cry on my shoulder - she is having troubles with my own Mom (her sister).
The rain/snow just keeps coming and coming and coming.
I got a haircut today and responses have not been favorable....

Tonight I am heading in between my sheets very early, hopefully after a good "happy" movie!
Enough already.

funeral

Tracy's funeral was today. Her "viewing" - where family went to see her and have a time of goodbye was Wednesay...that was a tough night, I did not sleep well afterward. Her funeral today was a celebration of her life, she was well loved by friends, co-workers and family. I cried so much today, I was not sure I was going to come back to solid ground a couple of times....but as time went on my tears would lessen and the erupt once more....I am better now. This death was so tragic. It would seem there is a hole in the world tonight. She has a star named after her, what a really beautiful thing to think upon.

I will miss her laugh, her beautiful liquid blue eyes and most of all hearing her call me "my Donna"
I loved her like she was my own.

Tragic accident

My very young, dear friend Tracy Dolan was killed yesterday in a vehicle accident near Tessier, Saskatchewan.
She will be missed by many, for she was a genuine "Sweet"and "kind" human being.
I can hardly fathom her not being near.

Almost forgot about this space

My Dad passed away on March 14, 2008 @5:20. My Mom and I were there with him when he passed from here to "spirit".
After being in the room alone with him, waiting for the RN to come to pronounce him gone, I felt I needed to open the windows wide by his bed....Dad disliked being in that place, in that bed...I saw an opportunity to let his spirit leave.....and I like to think I gave him that opening when I threw open those windows for him.

I miss my Dad. I miss him so much.
Yes, I know he not in pain anymore, he is free.....but I miss his wisdom he passed along, I miss his quiet courage, ....so much I miss about him.....until another day...when we meet again.

love ya, Dad.

fear factor

Fear factors:
-Mom continues to 'nurse' my Dad, he is failing slowly. She cries at the thought of walking in and finding him "gone".
-I won't understand the empty vault my Dad will leave inside of me when he leaves this earth.
-items that I look for when I walk into their apartment....Dad's chair - is he in it? Where does his oxygen hose lead, to the bed or the chair.
-the never fail 'bye Dad' yell at their door...just for him.....it's been a constant.

So many thinks floating through my head, all because Mom had a difficult day today and she needed some encouragement....I did that...but then my mind began to wander.....

Then you get up Monday morning and head off to work, put on the 'work' mask and continue on with the routine of life.....strange stuff.....but life is like that....strange, full of wonder, adventure and lots of difficulties along the way to sort out. God help us...sort out the difficulties!