hurting.....

Cervical Spine Stenosis that is the diagnosis the husband was given months ago, since then his arm "burns", fingers go numb, muscles in his back cause pain, his back "burns", the skin on his side and leg "burn" constantly, he cannot sit in a chair for more than a few moments without getting very uncomfortable - having to stand and move about to relieve the "burn" and tension.
Sleep is seldom more than an hour or so, then shifting, moving and straining to find comfort. This poor guy has been dealing with this for months, seen a neurologist, his own GP on a more than weekly basis, waiting for neurosurgeon. Been through acupunture, massage, physio therapy, myofacial is the small relief he finds and it's temporary. He has lost 22 lbs in little over a month.
Need I go on...nah.
We wait and wait and wait some more.
Yet, so strange to see him walking down the street YOU would never know something is wrong...it's all on the inside. Just don't hug him or slap him on the shoulder, he will hit the floor.

Strange...to consciously walk a little behind the man, to stand just a little to the side and behind him ....JUST IN CASE someone should walk up behind him....just in case someone squeezes his shoulder in greeting....I can't protect him from the hurt. ah....life and it's hurdles.

My heart hurts for the guy. I only wish ...for good health. Simple when one has it, coveted when one doesn't.

not funny, witty or clever....lacking jocularity.

It's already April....wow....where does time go? Did it pass this quickly when I was in my 20's...or my 30's...or even my 40's.?
Life's challenges. Constant. Perpetual. True. Neverending.

Seems like when I ask for courage, God hands me more hurdles and I weakly manage to climb over them...albiet with much support and guidance.

Latest realization....(yet, again...) is that as much as I would like to fit in....I don't. Each time I try .....I end up hurt inside. Why try? 'cause I am a typical human being...I suppose. Arrows to the heart.....heal slowly, but they heal nonetheless.

Wasn't it Popeye..who said...I am what I am and thats all that I am.....good lesson learned....will try to learn from Popeye's wisdom.

surely to goodness?

Hi...
Well...again...I nearly forgot my password. I guess I should check into this place a little more often than I do. The memory is not what it used to be that is for sure!

Thoughts.....on stuff.
+Hard to believe but it will soon be a year that my Dad has been gone from this earth.
+I have found that people get kinda "snippy" when speaking of other people's good fortune - like when someone gets to go on a warm winter holiday...not all those around seem to wish them well....I wonder at that. I wish them well, why wouldn't you? hmm.... dunno...things that make me go Hmmm.?
+I have taken exception to the two words "shut up"....I don't like them, EVER....at all.
+My patience level for overly talkative people is becoming thinner and thinner.
+I love to laugh....I don't do it often enough. Laughing is good for the soul.
+My heart breaks for a friend of mine who is walking alongside his Mom while she fights her battle with cancer. Been there....got the sorrow to prove it.
+Sometimes it is nice to know you are really missed or needed by friends or co-workers.
+Having a co-worker who laughs along with you at silly things....lightens the day A LOT!

okay....that is the thoughts plopping outta my head at the moment....I'm done for now...
check back again...another day....you never know when I 'remember' to check out my blog and drop a thought or two down to share with the world.

From me to you....pay it forward...do something nice for someone today.

The good, the bad and the ugly

Reflections.
The Good. The Bad . The Ugly. 2008
The Good

- healthy grandson added to the family!
- another year of okay health.
- stayed in touch with brother L more so than ever
- won over the "red circle" of job position!
-found I really don't suck at golf!

The Bad


- heart monitor in February, yeash!
-Dad passed away in March
-Tracy killed in car accident in April
- Cheri passed away suddenly in August
- job issues arise.
- hubby has some "muscular" issues

The Ugly

-nothing is "ugly"....just challenging! Finding the positive in every day can be difficult, but if you try.....you will find it. It's there...sometimes hidden under a lot of ugly...but it's still there. I have been told I have a "pollyanna" attitude - finding a silver lining in the dark cloud so to speak...I dunno if that is true....but to keep yourself above the whirlpool of despair you have to do something ......or you just get sucked into the muck. I refuse to get sucked into the muck! if that means I have a pollanan attitude..so be it.

Dreaming

Like most people, I suppose, I dream. But I seldom remember any of my dreams.
I did have a vivid dream the other night about my Dad. Dad passed away in March of this year.
I have not dreamt of him until now.

"I pushed his mobile bed into a very large, waiting room type of "room". One wall of the room was a massive, filling that entire wall was a pane of glass. I picked up Dad as best as I could to show him, as I said....'Dad, you can see me whenever you want now. Look. ' Looking through the glass, I could see the rooms in our home. " There is a little more to the dream but nothing significant.

Strange dream. I know.

Making a difference?
What have I done, of late, to make a difference in someone's life?
I will be accountable for all my actions and reactions someday, will I be content with looking back and seeing my accomplishments, my triumphs, my disasters, my mistakes, my foolhardiness (?) wait is that actually a word...well, it is for now....I need to try harder, be more aware.

Last night I finished a chapter in the book I am currently reading, The Ragamuffin Gospel and after finishing the last sentence I pondered on what I had read for a long time. Funny how sometimes reading a thought or idea can just stop you in your tracks and make you take a good hard look at who you are, what you are...where you are going, as well as a reminder of "Who's" you are.

Anyway, it was a moment. Made me think in many directions.....plus the making a difference deal....along with a lot more.

Always growing. Always....

events

We went to a wedding yesterday. Lovely young couple starting out in life.

Earlier in the day I took our little grand-daughter shopping for some "preschool" clothes. What a fun day with her, she makes me smile with her wit and charm...her constant questions and zest for life is highly contagious. She is a delight to be around. After finishing with shopping we stopped to see Grampa and Uncle Bear.....her exuberance in seeing faces she loves transfers onto those around her, just by looking at her you can feel her delight! It was a wonderful afternoon.
Our little grandson slept the entire shopping trip, only to awake to be fed and then show off his smile numerous times over! He is a handsome and sweetly chubby little fella, a wonderful armful.

Today is a wee bit gloomy outside but I have much to get down around the house, so best get at it.
I picked up a book on Feng Shui at work. Interesting reading, I found that as I looked around the rooms in our home that I had put into place some of their "ways'....did I do it by instinct or is there something to this method of "flow"...I dunno. I hear people talk about feng shui and I knew nothing about it, really still don't ....but did find interesting to flip through the paperback.

I have been limited in my "challenge to grow" reading material. But I am working my way through a rather good book "The Ragamuffin Gospel"....I am sure many have read it before myself but I have found a kindred soul in this author. I like his style of writing, his conversation method of having you wanting to pursue the next chapter. Brennan Manning is a author I shall look forward to reading again.

I hope everyone enjoys this Fall season.....it's one of the prettiest season we are fortunate to have in this province.