Do not blame it on menopause.......

My world has never been perfect. I am so very aware of that. I, however, try my level best to deal with each and every situation as it arises...but lately, ......well, I know a saying that goes a little like this "God never gives you more burdens that you can bear"....at least it goes something like that. I gotta tell ya. Lately. Wowzer. I am feeling a little weak in the knees. So much is happening to family members around me and I have little if any influence on outcome.
Trying to find a place of quiet, balance and calm is integral to my well being, or at least I always thought it was....but lately I seem to be floating on some sort of ship that doesn't seem to be heading towards a port of quiet and calm. If I extracted only the surface parts of Christmas I could make it sound real nice....but the meat of the matter is ...it was a very "different" Christmas season. My kids were not with us, my Mom and Dad were discontent, and the spirit of Christmas that seems to float in the air and I breathe it in and actually feel different due to the wonderful feeling that to me is Christmas was not to be had. I feel like I kinda missed Christmas. Don't get me wrong, my brother and his wife, were great hosts. They planned lovely meals, drove us to shopping spots that I had never heard of, shared their home and hearth with us and happily so. It was just strange to be away from our own home, away from our kids, away from the traditions that we have put together to make Christmas a special and meaningful time for us. There was an anxiety hanging about, a restlessness of spirit that just would not go away. My Dad had an "episode" whilst were at my brothers....poor Dad, we were not sure if we should call 911 or not....turned out the "episode" passed and he recovered but it certainly threw my brother and I for a loop.....as we were the only two to be eye witness to it. yeash....that was Christmas morning. Did I mention that it was a strange and different Christmas......so many things happened that I know I had little if any control over.....but it was the lack of tradition that mostly had me in a flutter, I believe. Not in our own home, none of my kids around me, no church service on Christmas eve, ah....so many things. I have my feet so deeply embedded tradition and the familiar that once I am pulled out of it....I feel like a turkey that someone threw from an airplane and said ....now fly! Try as I might, I am just not made up that way. Next year. ...yep, you got it.....staying home.

I hope each of you who have wandered in to patiently read my chatter have a wonderful 2007 and you find peace, contentment and love in abundance over the next twelve months!!


Stay tuned......

it is better to give than receive......

So, I have a bit of a issue....apparently I am not very good at receiving "Thanks".
I love to give out little surprises....like unexpected things...little stuff, uh....like chocolates or an unexpected little "thanks" gift. I tend to leave then behind, without letting anyone know that I have dropped them off, my name is always under the "from" indentation....so it's not anonymous...maybe it should be. One item was a fun little mug with a top on it to keep her coffee/tea warm....the color reminded me of my friends pretty blue eyes. She came to offer her thanks, and I replied with a "your welcome" and it should have ended right there. But, .....okay...I'm not good at extending the moment. She laughed out loud, when I exclaimed "I am not so good at the thanks part of gift giving"...okay she replied....well, then .."what are you up to tonight?"...end of odd feeling moment. She understood completely were I was coming from, for some reason.
I mean it's okay to slip in a "thanks"....and I appreciate that. But, I tend to be rather self conscious of people walking by, of feeling in the spot light, do you understand of which I speak here, folks? I'm thinking anonymous just might have to be the way to go......or maybe therapy. Good grief.

I wonder if Santa has the same sort of feeling, as he comes in whilst everyone is sleeping and leaves the presents/ fills the stockings ....never having to deal with face to face thankful people.....maybe he's got something there.....hmmm.

As we will be doing a lot of meet and greet, laughing with family, sharing with friends over the next while....I am going to make my Christmas greeting to each of you today.

"May the Lord open your hearts and minds to the true meaning of Christmas a little more this year. May you find more than a moment to give thanks that a Savior was born. I pray you notice your blessings and give thanks for them, not just assume they will always be there....your family, friends, loved ones, warm home, food on your table, the fact that we can give because we have plenty bestowed upon us.
Merry Christmas.....enjoy and give thanks.
Happy New Year.....may God's love surround you, His peace flow through you and His joy be seen by other's who don't know Him but can "see" Him through YOU.

to sleep would be best, I just can't afford the rest.....

Garth Brook's words above.....well, it's basically how I feel tonight.

Tired, but so much to do...can't afford the rest. Dates have been made with friends, things need to be done and cannot be put off any longer. Good grief, does that mean that I have to get to Wal-Mart tonight....ew..I think it does. I pretty much need a "pill" before I head into that puzzle factory.....so many people, shoppers with no manners, people talking at each aisle end, stuff ready to fall over....me included. Just get over it and get on with it...right. RIGHT. okay, I will. (ew....)

Tonight, my husband left a message on our machine....he will be bringing home dinner.
Omigosh, how I love that man. He is in the kitchen making bacon, eggs and hash browns in his pajamas....nice visual,huh? Dinner or breakfast...doesn't really matter it's food and I am not making it....are you with me on this one??

I have not found my Christmas "spirit" as yet...usually about this time, just before Christmas, I get a really wonderful, blessed, "spirit of kindness & goodness" fall over me.....I hope it comes soon.....I miss that. Maybe once I do some shopping and hand out some "surprises" it will come. I await patiently.

Did I mention that I have an addiction. Well, not a true addiction, but a craving that comes over me regularly. Since the Spring of this year I have been freezing fresh orange juice into popsicles...usually under the statement "They are for Molly!"...ha, that's a joke.....I eat 'em up....gobble would be a better word. I do share if I know Ms. Molly will be here, but I go through them like wildfire. I love 'em...it's my way of getting vitamin C....yeah, like you believe that one. I like the flavor, I like the texture and I love the taste. I haven't had any orange juice in the house all weekend, all I can think about it getting to Wal-Mart and getting me some. ....Yep, that is first on the list of thing to purchase. How bad is that? yeash......get a life, girl!!

Hope you find some time to feel the "spirit of goodness & kindness" in your life over the next week or so....till next time,

Wow....it's been 24 hours....what kinda whirlwind was that?

So, heading for the land of nod when the phone rings and it's my son in law. To remove a lot of details that don't need to be told....our daughter, his wife took a trip to the hospital last night and they found the problem...it's one that is solved fairly easily and with some pills. Thanks be to God. But it was quite a night and she has never dealt with such horrific pain.

The snow and wind have brought about a day of rest.....much needed I believe for a lot of us. Molly is here with me today, as our daughter and her hubby need to have some rest and recuperate. Daisy the dog makes me laugh....she flat out gallops down the hallway and her little paws sound so cute....she doesn't want to miss out on anything and is very curious about each nook and corner of the house....next time she comes I won't vacuum before she gets here!! She is a lovely little puppy, when she comes in from outside she has a complete white beard....and snow all over her tiny paws....really quite adorable!

Well, Molly is sleeping and Gramma needs to just relax a little bit, two hours sleep in a night just doesn't work for these old bones.

O' the weather outside is frightful,
but the fire is so delightful,
and since we no place to go.....let it snow...let it snow..let it snow.

Molly asked if we were gonna make snow globes again....we are living in one today no need to make a fake one!!

day is done......

When I awoke this morning, I wondered if I could actually crawl out from under the warm, fuzzy, cozy blankets I was cocooned in. Today was the day of the funeral.

The morning passed in a blur, trying to remain focused on what needed to be done and not on my emotional rollercoaster I seemed to have been riding lately. The funeral was an amazing one, full of celebration of Stew's life and loves, his humor, and his commitment to family & work. It's really just hard to believe he his gone from the earth and his memory is what is left....truth be know...he made a lot of memories! Memories that his family will lean on and cherish for years to come.

Coming home we found our daughter and grand-daughter walking in our door.
Our girl's back has been horribly painful over the past week or so and she was going to get looked at by a chiropractor as well as a Doc. The chiro treatment did nothing for her and the Dr. prescribed some major pain killers, poor girl....I hope she can get some much needed rest. I have never dealt with a wicked back problem but watching her gives me a furrow between my brows....my worry for her is great. Please add her to your prayers if you would, thank you. Ms. Molly and I spent a little over two hours together, I figured we needed something "time consuming" to do...so we built a gingerbread house. Wow. ...for a two year old child she has some great dexterity going on. She really did a fantastic job of putting the smarties, gumdrops and candy on the house and not in her mouth....okay a couple went into the mouth...but she was great about not eating any more!! We are giving the gingerbread house to my mom...her great-gramma.....a "sweet" Merry Christmas.

I am totally wasted now.
so .....good night ......sweet dreams.....

one jumped over the cuckoo's nest.....

It would seem that lately I have had a large amount of (uh....for lack of a better word) TENSION in my life.
I have often over extended myself trying to "help" someone, but lately I have felt as though I have OVER extended myself and am needing to draw back in and regroup, stabilize and find a balancing act that works for me. It doesn't seem to relieve the "tension" when work situations arise and they are not work related but personality related. That a friend who was only 55 yrs. old just up and passed away quite suddenly over the weekend, causing a complete whirlwind of emotions to slide in and out of my life. My sister-in-law was best friends with the gentlemans wife, my brother was stranded in NWT (he is out as of now) causing stress to heighten and a multitude of other circumstances that are circling about. I have tried to deal with situations as they arise, but it would seem that when your in a little bit of a weakened state....the arrows, the hurdles, the valley seems to be sharper, taller and deeper than I am able to handle.
I think I was at my wits end this evening when I decided to make a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner and heated the pan...the butter "smoked" a little but the sandwich did not burn. My sweet hubby decided at that moment to kindly remind me that I had burned the hamburgers the other night in the same pan and noted that "I was really having trouble with that pan?"...
uh...oh...dear.
Too much life circumstance, too much upheaval, too much....too much...
yeah, it feels like I'm in someone's "cuckoo's nest" but, I know that as time move on situations will resolve themselves and balance will happen once again. I just need to remain pro-active instead of reactive.....yeash, so easy to say and sometimes so difficult to do....but God's hand
is comforting and His Spirit is always there.....for that I am grateful.

It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas.....

We shared food, friendship and laughter last evening. What an enjoyable night. Had a little wine, lots of different cheeses, a major paella, some Fantastic coffee, and the whole thing topped off with much giggling over some very silly issues and situations.
Sitting near the Christmas tree with a full tummy and sharing some great conversation with sincere and caring people who have a similar humor streak running through them.
What great fun. oh...oh..oh...can't forget the dessert ....a chocolate pate....with fresh raspberries...o...h. my that was incredible!

Today is "family" day, we are having our kids over for dinner and plan on making a few fun things, decorating some gingerbread and eating a lot of full on carbs....yep, it's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas.

We had planned on putting up the artificial tree this year, but Brett decided that just was not the way it was going to work this year and while I was at work went out and got a REAL tree and set it up in the living room. I walked into the house and it 'smelled' like Christmas tree.....what a lovely welcoming smell to come into. A nice surprise indeed! So today we decorate the tree, eat more sugary things that I have eaten in two entire years....but, once in a long while.....is just going to have to be okay! Hey, that is what sweat pants were made for....these kinda days....ah...elastic waists.....such a happy thought.

Well, blessings to each and everyone.....enjoy the season with your family and friends.

gestures.....

Driving down the street the other day and I noticed a vehicle going a little faster than it should coming my way. Uh..so I slowed down a little thinking "I wonder if that guy is gonna turn, real quick"...the man beside me as I glanced over did not have the same idea...he pressed down a little harder on his gas pedal. SO. Yes, the oncoming car did a real quick turn in front of us, not really cutting us off, but closer than would be needed. The guy in the car beside me went NUTZOID, hands flying, arms flapping and one finger poppin' up ! Wow.
Later in the day, I was taking the bus down Acadia, bus driver is not speeding....but some whacko comes flying outta the Tim Horton's parking lot full tilt and it was a near miss, him hitting the bus in the side. He, the driver (Whacko), throws his hands up in the air and his lips start fluttering....oh, brother. But wait.....in the passenger side of the vehicle is a young lad of maybe eight,....isn't that JUST GREAT that he gets to witness first hand his Dad mouthing off at a huge bus that was minding it's own business!
What is wrong with these people?

This morning, I happen to be walking past our livingroom window and I heard a police siren...so I watched out the window. Sure enough a little grey vehile whips past the house, turns into the parking lot a few yards away...slip, sliding away,...as they are travelling too fast for road conditions as well. The officer pulls in behind said vehicle and
gets out to "chat" with the driver.....I don't want his job. Too many "road rage" type of people out there for my liking!
The phone rang so I never finished seeing the scene finish out with the little grey vehicle.

The other gesture that is so common, is the one were you let a vehicle "merge" into your lane and you do it happily.
The other driver generally USED to give a wave of thanks. Not so much anymore, it's THEIR right I guess that you let them in.

Oh..and this may not be a gesture....but .....people who smoke, talk on their cell phone and drive at the same time....just how exactly is that humanly possible????

a mother's gift

Dr. Ben Carson -"I not only saw and felt the difference my mother made in my life, I am still living out that difference as a man".
Dr. Carson's Mom only had a grade three education, worked as a household domestic to pay bills, raising two small boys as a single Mom. She guided those two young lads through school with a lovely but firm hand....she raised one of America's finest neurosurgeons as well as a strong light for the gospel of Christ.

I can only imagine the fights she had to put up with throughout the young lives of those two young lads. But through her faith and tenacity she walked each day knowing she was doing what was best for the future of her children. I believe most Mothers try to do that for their children.

I have been reading the story of Hannah, if you have never read it....it's an extra-ordinary story of unquestionable faith, love as well as suffering. It made me stop in my tracks, literally. So many times, when I give my kids a hug, they just think (I'm sure) that it's just Mom giving another hug, but what they don't know many times over I give thanks to the Lord as I hug them for their presence in my life. I am so thankful for "who" they each turned out to be, different as night and day those two, but I see them through a Mom's eyes and am thankful each day for the gifts they have each given me throughout this life.

Hannah gave up her first born, Samuel, after being barren for so many years then finally having a son, only to keep her promise to give him to the Lord. Which she did, she took him to the priest Eli and gave her son over to God's keeping. Wow. Hannah understood her faith in God, stood firm in it. I have learned much from the story of Hannah. The first thing I noted was to continally stand firm in what I believe to be true....don't let others influence my belief system unless it feels right and I understand it's truth.....I am answerable for ME....therefore I need to stand firm in what I believe, trust God to guide me always. There are many other noteable things, but I have already taken up a lot of your time.
I wish that Hannah's passion would somehow strengthen our faith, today.

God's blessings to all.
My thoughts for today........

What do you mean you DON'T AGREE with me?

oh, bother.
I have walked the hill of learning lately. The curve was steep, but I think I have come out a little wiser....hopefully it sticks.
The conclusion I have come to is simple. My life, my circumstance, my choices (daily, weekly, yearly?), my belief system all make up for MY opinion, MY choices...it also gives me some patience in "seeing" someone else's choice. Their reasoning for making their own choices comes from who they are, where they come from, what they believe...sometimes the WHY can be a little foggy.
During a conversation the other evening with a friend, she vehemently wanted me to be agree with her on a point she was trying to make. I could not. I did not have the same feelings as she did, I did not "come" from her point of view. Her passion for this "announcement" was not mine. I could, however, see her point. I just did not agree with her outlook on it. Did I HAVE to? no. Did she WANT me to? yes, but I did not come from her way of thinking. I am dealing with a different set of issues, a different set of circumstances....I have compassion for her, I can comprehend her feelings but mine are not on the same level....we are not going to be like minded on this issue. It upset her.
That was unfortunate to say the least.

My issues are MINE, they come from my own enviroment, my own space, they are mine to deal with as best as I can, when I can.
A friend is someone who will walk beside you during happy times, crisis moments, even just to be company....they don't always agree with you....we found that out and understood that we won't always agree with each other's opinions or decision but friendship should not be based on such things.

I suppose it comes down to little things, as well. I love milk. A friend of mine claims she "hates" it and makes horrid faces when I happen to mention the word. I lapsed. I spoke of how I love hot milk with vanilla added. She responded with a quick, MINE is better....I like a new chai tea. blah...blah...blah. the thought that popped into my head, was wait a minute....why is yours better??? Its just different, it's better for you...not me. Not better.

Silly how we can hinge on words other speak sometimes, huh.
Anyway I just wanted to let you in on the way my head has been thinking lately and a reminder that How I think and respond may not be YOUR happy thought, but it's mine. Lets not judge to quickly, condemn or draw conclusion that could put us at odds with one another.
Freedom of speech is a wonderful priviledge. But freedom to put foot in mouth, well....that's just uncomfortable for a lot of reasons.