Nik-ezer

hurting.....

2009-04-23T19:53:00.000-07:00

Cervical Spine Stenosis that is the diagnosis the husband was given months ago, since then his arm "burns", fingers go numb, muscles in his back cause pain, his back "burns", the skin on his side and leg "burn" constantly, he cannot sit in a chair for more than a few moments without getting very uncomfortable - having to stand and move about to relieve the "burn" and tension.
Sleep is seldom more than an hour or so, then shifting, moving and straining to find comfort. This poor guy has been dealing with this for months, seen a neurologist, his own GP on a more than weekly basis, waiting for neurosurgeon. Been through acupunture, massage, physio therapy, myofacial is the small relief he finds and it's temporary. He has lost 22 lbs in little over a month.
Need I go on...nah.
We wait and wait and wait some more.
Yet, so strange to see him walking down the street YOU would never know something is wrong...it's all on the inside. Just don't hug him or slap him on the shoulder, he will hit the floor.

Strange...to consciously walk a little behind the man, to stand just a little to the side and behind him ....JUST IN CASE someone should walk up behind him....just in case someone squeezes his shoulder in greeting....I can't protect him from the hurt. ah....life and it's hurdles.

My heart hurts for the guy. I only wish ...for good health. Simple when one has it, coveted when one doesn't.

not funny, witty or clever....lacking jocularity.

2009-04-15T19:36:00.000-07:00

It's already April....wow....where does time go? Did it pass this quickly when I was in my 20's...or my 30's...or even my 40's.?
Life's challenges. Constant. Perpetual. True. Neverending.

Seems like when I ask for courage, God hands me more hurdles and I weakly manage to climb over them...albiet with much support and guidance.

Latest realization....(yet, again...) is that as much as I would like to fit in....I don't. Each time I try .....I end up hurt inside. Why try? 'cause I am a typical human being...I suppose. Arrows to the heart.....heal slowly, but they heal nonetheless.

Wasn't it Popeye..who said...I am what I am and thats all that I am.....good lesson learned....will try to learn from Popeye's wisdom.

surely to goodness?

2009-02-04T19:05:00.000-08:00

Hi...
Well...again...I nearly forgot my password. I guess I should check into this place a little more often than I do. The memory is not what it used to be that is for sure!

Thoughts.....on stuff.
+Hard to believe but it will soon be a year that my Dad has been gone from this earth.
+I have found that people get kinda "snippy" when speaking of other people's good fortune - like when someone gets to go on a warm winter holiday...not all those around seem to wish them well....I wonder at that. I wish them well, why wouldn't you? hmm.... dunno...things that make me go Hmmm.?
+I have taken exception to the two words "shut up"....I don't like them, EVER....at all.
+My patience level for overly talkative people is becoming thinner and thinner.
+I love to laugh....I don't do it often enough. Laughing is good for the soul.
+My heart breaks for a friend of mine who is walking alongside his Mom while she fights her battle with cancer. Been there....got the sorrow to prove it.
+Sometimes it is nice to know you are really missed or needed by friends or co-workers.
+Having a co-worker who laughs along with you at silly things....lightens the day A LOT!

okay....that is the thoughts plopping outta my head at the moment....I'm done for now...
check back again...another day....you never know when I 'remember' to check out my blog and drop a thought or two down to share with the world.

From me to you....pay it forward...do something nice for someone today.

The good, the bad and the ugly

2008-12-26T16:21:00.001-08:00

Reflections.
The Good. The Bad . The Ugly. 2008
The Good

- healthy grandson added to the family!
- another year of okay health.
- stayed in touch with brother L more so than ever
- won over the "red circle" of job position!
-found I really don't suck at golf!

The Bad

- heart monitor in February, yeash!
-Dad passed away in March
-Tracy killed in car accident in April
- Cheri passed away suddenly in August
- job issues arise.
- hubby has some "muscular" issues

The Ugly

-nothing is "ugly"....just challenging! Finding the positive in every day can be difficult, but if you try.....you will find it. It's there...sometimes hidden under a lot of ugly...but it's still there. I have been told I have a "pollyanna" attitude - finding a silver lining in the dark cloud so to speak...I dunno if that is true....but to keep yourself above the whirlpool of despair you have to do something ......or you just get sucked into the muck. I refuse to get sucked into the muck! if that means I have a pollanan attitude..so be it.

Dreaming

2008-12-14T14:16:00.001-08:00

Like most people, I suppose, I dream. But I seldom remember any of my dreams.
I did have a vivid dream the other night about my Dad. Dad passed away in March of this year.
I have not dreamt of him until now.

"I pushed his mobile bed into a very large, waiting room type of "room". One wall of the room was a massive, filling that entire wall was a pane of glass. I picked up Dad as best as I could to show him, as I said....'Dad, you can see me whenever you want now. Look. ' Looking through the glass, I could see the rooms in our home. " There is a little more to the dream but nothing significant.

Strange dream. I know.

2008-09-30T17:00:00.001-07:00

Making a difference?
What have I done, of late, to make a difference in someone's life?
I will be accountable for all my actions and reactions someday, will I be content with looking back and seeing my accomplishments, my triumphs, my disasters, my mistakes, my foolhardiness (?) wait is that actually a word...well, it is for now....I need to try harder, be more aware.

Last night I finished a chapter in the book I am currently reading, The Ragamuffin Gospel and after finishing the last sentence I pondered on what I had read for a long time. Funny how sometimes reading a thought or idea can just stop you in your tracks and make you take a good hard look at who you are, what you are...where you are going, as well as a reminder of "Who's" you are.

Anyway, it was a moment. Made me think in many directions.....plus the making a difference deal....along with a lot more.

Always growing. Always....

events

2008-09-07T10:21:00.000-07:00

We went to a wedding yesterday. Lovely young couple starting out in life.

Earlier in the day I took our little grand-daughter shopping for some "preschool" clothes. What a fun day with her, she makes me smile with her wit and charm...her constant questions and zest for life is highly contagious. She is a delight to be around. After finishing with shopping we stopped to see Grampa and Uncle Bear.....her exuberance in seeing faces she loves transfers onto those around her, just by looking at her you can feel her delight! It was a wonderful afternoon.
Our little grandson slept the entire shopping trip, only to awake to be fed and then show off his smile numerous times over! He is a handsome and sweetly chubby little fella, a wonderful armful.

Today is a wee bit gloomy outside but I have much to get down around the house, so best get at it.
I picked up a book on Feng Shui at work. Interesting reading, I found that as I looked around the rooms in our home that I had put into place some of their "ways'....did I do it by instinct or is there something to this method of "flow"...I dunno. I hear people talk about feng shui and I knew nothing about it, really still don't ....but did find interesting to flip through the paperback.

I have been limited in my "challenge to grow" reading material. But I am working my way through a rather good book "The Ragamuffin Gospel"....I am sure many have read it before myself but I have found a kindred soul in this author. I like his style of writing, his conversation method of having you wanting to pursue the next chapter. Brennan Manning is a author I shall look forward to reading again.

I hope everyone enjoys this Fall season.....it's one of the prettiest season we are fortunate to have in this province.

gone but not forgotten

2008-08-14T17:33:00.000-07:00

I had some quiet time today and was jolted with the memory that I had this space to plunk away some thoughts. It's been awhile.

since April I became a Gramma for the second time, a handsome little boy is now in our world to protect, love and cherish.

since April I have become a Mother in law once again, I now have a beautiful daughter in law added to our family.

since April I have lost a sister in law (August 8) and have just returned home from yet another heatwrenching funeral.

I always thought life was a balance, you needed to keep it 'balanced' in order to stay healthy....this past several months have been challenging to try to keep any order of balance going on. I keep trying.....I guess that is important....keep trying.

Enough already.

2008-04-25T17:25:00.000-07:00

Enough already.
This week, our daughter had some difficulty with her pregnancy. All is well, but sure threw us for a loop, TWICE.
My Aunt called me today to cry on my shoulder - she is having troubles with my own Mom (her sister).
The rain/snow just keeps coming and coming and coming.
I got a haircut today and responses have not been favorable....

Tonight I am heading in between my sheets very early, hopefully after a good "happy" movie!
Enough already.

funeral

2008-04-18T15:35:00.000-07:00

Tracy's funeral was today. Her "viewing" - where family went to see her and have a time of goodbye was Wednesay...that was a tough night, I did not sleep well afterward. Her funeral today was a celebration of her life, she was well loved by friends, co-workers and family. I cried so much today, I was not sure I was going to come back to solid ground a couple of times....but as time went on my tears would lessen and the erupt once more....I am better now. This death was so tragic. It would seem there is a hole in the world tonight. She has a star named after her, what a really beautiful thing to think upon.

I will miss her laugh, her beautiful liquid blue eyes and most of all hearing her call me "my Donna"
I loved her like she was my own.

Tragic accident

2008-04-13T16:28:00.000-07:00

My very young, dear friend Tracy Dolan was killed yesterday in a vehicle accident near Tessier, Saskatchewan.
She will be missed by many, for she was a genuine "Sweet"and "kind" human being.
I can hardly fathom her not being near.

Almost forgot about this space

2008-03-29T10:14:00.000-07:00

My Dad passed away on March 14, 2008 @5:20. My Mom and I were there with him when he passed from here to "spirit".
After being in the room alone with him, waiting for the RN to come to pronounce him gone, I felt I needed to open the windows wide by his bed....Dad disliked being in that place, in that bed...I saw an opportunity to let his spirit leave.....and I like to think I gave him that opening when I threw open those windows for him.

I miss my Dad. I miss him so much.
Yes, I know he not in pain anymore, he is free.....but I miss his wisdom he passed along, I miss his quiet courage, ....so much I miss about him.....until another day...when we meet again.

love ya, Dad.

fear factor

2008-01-06T16:53:00.000-08:00

Fear factors:
-Mom continues to 'nurse' my Dad, he is failing slowly. She cries at the thought of walking in and finding him "gone".
-I won't understand the empty vault my Dad will leave inside of me when he leaves this earth.
-items that I look for when I walk into their apartment....Dad's chair - is he in it? Where does his oxygen hose lead, to the bed or the chair.
-the never fail 'bye Dad' yell at their door...just for him.....it's been a constant.

So many thinks floating through my head, all because Mom had a difficult day today and she needed some encouragement....I did that...but then my mind began to wander.....

Then you get up Monday morning and head off to work, put on the 'work' mask and continue on with the routine of life.....strange stuff.....but life is like that....strange, full of wonder, adventure and lots of difficulties along the way to sort out. God help us...sort out the difficulties!

eye of the storm

2007-12-03T16:45:00.000-08:00

That is what today felt like....a full and complete storm.
I suppose we are heading into a snowy night as well, seems rather appropriate.

You know when the wind 'whirls' about and you can't seem to catch your bearings. The wind is tugging you this way and that, your breathing is difficult, someone calls to you and needs you but you haven't the strength to respond. Uh...ya...that was how my weekend went and Monday pretty much finished me off. It wasn't about work issues, it's about human issues.....they weigh heavy on one when you are in the midst of so many life issues happening all around you. Each of us are bound to feel weighted down now and then, today was my day, I suppose. A good night sleep, prayfully asking God to restore my strength. He has always done so, so ....really tonight should be no different.

This whole Christmas season has become a little frazzled. What used to be a time of delight ....I mean I loved walking amongst the masses of people knowing what I was looking to buy, feeling the energy of the people all around and finding it made me 'energized'. At the moment, I feel drained....out of sorts.....I hope to get into the 'spirit' of things soon....feel that zing and look forward to wrapping those treasures for under the tree. I hope that my Dad will be here for Christmas.

What used to be a regular styled Christmas for us has now been altered. Mom and Dad will not be coming over Christmas day, that will put some tears in Mom's eyes for sure throughout the day. I know we will make it over there to have a visit, but it's not the same without the smell of turkey in the oven, people milling about snacking on treats, playing games, talking on the phone to friends who call wishing you Merry Christmas. This will be a time of change and difference and Mom talks about it and how it will be quite a bit these days. Anticipating? yeah, maybe.
Worried, that too. Preparing for change. We would have moved everyone and everything to be there with them, but Dad cannot take the hustle & bustle of people.....his mind spins, he becomes restless and is already exhausted...so best to leave as is....plus the fact it's a few weeks away...we don't know what the near future brings.
These things are a constant on my mind. Now I know what Dad means when he feels like he is in a whirl......

I will take advantage of time, when I can and do a little Christmas shopping...here and there.
Trying to get a few presents under the tree for loved ones. Molly's excitement is so very contagious......we were taking her home the other night, it was dark and people had their Christmas lights on, trees seemed to go up earlier this year....and she noticed them all...raising her voice for each new set of lights or tree that she spied....all wrapped up in amazement and wonder. My husband and I smiled at each other throughout the trip.....little Molly brings so much "wonder" and "beauty" to the everyday world, everything is beautiful and pretty to little children - what a delight to be around one, often....gives us so very much joy. I can hardly wait to see how she reacts to the Enchanted Forest....oh boy! something for Grandparents to look forward to.

Enjoy the moment.

more effort.....

2007-11-23T06:47:00.000-08:00

I have neglected this site quite a bit. Wondering if I should actually shut it down and forget about the poor thing. Hmm.

We are to become grandparents again in June, our daughter and her husband are expecting their second child at that time. We will also have a wedding in the family about the same time ...our son and his fiance will be getting married next summer. So their are some wonderful things to come and to look forward to.

It would seem that each person I have an encounter with has a battle on their hands of some sort or other. Please remember that the next time you see someone, don't tell them they look tired. They already know their tired, you don't need to affirm it! Don't speak negative...they need your encouragement there is enough of a dark cloud hanging around bring a little sunshine into someone life. Speak kindly, gently and have few expectations in return!

Been a long....long time.....

2007-11-18T15:01:00.000-08:00

Well, life certainly has it's adventures.
This I know.....I know that my Dad remains on this earth, pain-free. Amen.
..........................I know that there are moments in life when you clean up someone else's body fluids and you do it with joy filled heart until you leave their presence....then you absolutely lose control of your emotions.
...........................I know that my daughter is thee most ill pregnant woman I have EVER in my life come across. I know that no matter what I do for her, it doesn't take away the exhaustion or the nausea, feeling so helpless. Praying for her!
...........................I know that even if your kids are grown up adults...you still worry about them on Saskatchewan roads in the winter!
............................I know....actually I know ....that I know very little but am trying very hard at remaining true, speaking kindly and trying to have laughter remain a huge positive in my life.

update of sorts

2007-10-06T17:01:00.000-07:00

Dad is weak, shaky, extremely thin...the good news he is still at home with very few times signs of pain. We remain thankful for his time here with us.

A few changes here and there....life goes on.

Me, ....well, should I talk about me the Martyr or me the Mom of adults or me the wife, maybe me the working stiff.....actually I believe I will just pass for this time being and wish you all the best life has to offer...enjoy the blessings they are there you just have to look for them*

the days of our lives.....

2007-08-09T19:34:00.000-07:00

Wow. The days go by so quickly. I thought I'd check out a few peoples blogs that I check into periodically and realized that I forgot my password to get into my own....luckily the brain did a stop and go moment and I finally remembered ....yeash...a sure sign of getting ancient.
So life moves on, Barry Bonds surpasses a goal, the rain finally came after days of hot, hot sun; the exhibition is here and I don't want to go (shows you I am getting old), the days of summer move onward. The days of holidays are over, sadly.
Dad remains at home, pain-free but extremely thin and exhausted more than tired. I am thankful and somewhat teary each time I go to their apt. watching Dad slowly make his way to his chair knowing he is getting up to have a nibble to eat because I made the "effort" to come over. ...what a guy. At least we have him here with us, now. Memories to hold dear and cherished words spoken.
Okay, thats it for that ....gonna cry.

the hurdle

2007-08-01T07:13:00.000-07:00

Six weeks ago today, the Oncologist told Dad that he had about six weeks left in this life. Dad is thin, but remains at home, pain-free, his appetite has taken a real dive over the past few days but he will make his birthday, August 3. A milestone of which he did not think he would see this year.

Each day has it's blessings, some times you really have to dig deep to find them...but they are there. Today I did not have to dig at all....it's right in front of me....my Dad is still here.

back to work tomorrow

2007-07-15T07:24:00.001-07:00

Well, it's back to work after a couple of weeks holiday. The weather was perfect, one could not have asked for better, truly!

I would like to think that I am a little more relaxed that what I was two weeks ago and I am, it's just that when you KNOW that your Dad is leaving this world...you just want to stay in touch with him all the time. We did not go out of the Saskatoon area for our holiday, wanted to be close in case.... I talked with Mom and Dad at least once a day throughout the holiday and was pleased that we were close enough to chat back and forth regularly. Our furthest point in our holiday journey took us to Pike Lake. It was lovely, quiet and the pool is fantastic. Our kids came out for a visit one evening, we went swimming, took Molly on a paddle boat (oh, my aching legs) and had a exception evening. It was nice to go for long walks with hubby, spend a little quiet time reading while he did ALL the cooking...yep, he did all the cooking!! I was on clean up duty...and when you are using paper plates...hey the clean up is pretty quick!!

Life will be back to routine, programmed and structured once again.....ah...well, it was good while it lasted.

what a crazy world .....

2007-07-11T20:46:00.000-07:00

The phone rang and it was my girlfriend who has been diagnosed with breast cancer. These have been tough days for her, lots of tears and emotional stuff to deal with. Today when the phone rang I noticed it was their lake number (they have a cabin at Emma), anyway....she is so joyful on the phone her GP just called her and all the pathology reports are in, she had some cells that were abnormal ...but only a few cells and they got them with the biopsy! She does not have breast cancer.....can you believe it! I started to cry for her!! What news....what fantastic news. She is flying about on cloud nine, she has not given it a thought as yet that somebody gave her a week of dreaded thoughts, emotional rollercoastering....and maybe she is so happy she won't even go there. Let's hope. I am so VERY pleased for her and her family.....what great news!! She is bound to be celebrating life, love and healthy living!! My congratulations goes out to her and those who love and care for her.....what a relief....what a burden lifted.....AMEN.

My Dad remains the same, he is so very tired each and every day.

Life is full of beginnings, endings and much to learn during the journey in between.

mama mia.....

2007-07-05T22:12:00.000-07:00

My girlfriend asked me to attend the musical Mama Mia with her. I was not to repay her for the tickets....so I invited her to dinner....her choice of restaurant. It was a great evening...the show was fantastic!! so much energy and talent all on one stage. What a delight.

During dinner, it was just my girlfriend and I, she told me that the results of her breast biopsy showed she has breast cancer. The entire pathological report has not come in so whether or not she has more surgery ahead will be determined by that, but she will have radiation in the near future. Her tears made my heart ache.

We had a wonderful evening together, but now that I am home and quiet once again ....my thoughts and prayers will be with her this night and for many nights to come.

no fireworks for this fourth of July....

2007-07-04T18:38:00.000-07:00

Officially we are on holidays. We went to the lake with friends this weekend, second night there hubby bent over to pick up a couple of blankets we had thrown into the boat and he threw out his back.....really badly! Good thing I packed Advil. His 'tummy' problem continued to act up throughout the weekend, but he would not stay down at all....even played golf, badly...but played. Now really,.....typical though,..... yeash. Stayed in contact with my parents the entire weekend, no changes. Dad did have a bad night the day before we left and I was terrified that something would go wrong while we were away, Mom repeatedly told me...she would handle whatever happened and would contact me if needed. I called them! I'm such a worry wart.

Dad called me today while Mom was out for a visit next door....he wants me to intercede for him on a matter of his heart. Puts me in a tough position......oh boy.....situations come and go but the ramifications can linger on and on and on. I'm a big girl now, hope I can handle it.....God willing.

Our grand-daughter was over for a visit today, she makes me laugh and brings me joy....she also makes me very tired which is okay....cause when my head hits the pillow at night I am out cold.
Today, she helped water plants outside, got her feet good and packed with mud, slurped up a milkshake without really coming up for air, slept for two solid hours, woke up asking questions about building towers...good grief.....she knew more about that than I did, picked and cleaned (from the garden) some onions to take to Mommy to cook, watched an old Strawberry Shortcake video off the internet, had some of the biggest bubbles from the wind blowing threw her new bubble wand, and melted her Uncle's heart when he stopped by for a quick visit and as he left she pointed to her eye, then crossed her heart and pointed her finger at him....the sequence Gramma taught her ....for when she leaves in the car.... I (eye) love (crossed heart) you (pointing at YOU)....we do that little gesture every time she leaves the house and I watch from the step as they pull out of the driveway. Little things that bring the heart some joy, huh.
Things to hang on to.......

I am trying to keep my priorities straight, to remain positive, but sometimes I fail...actually if you want the unvarnished truth....I fail a lot...it's difficult to watch Dad fade from life, his hard to see him get upset over issues that should never be issues in the first place, the phone rings and I wait to hear ....is it Dad? is he okay? is he going to be in pain? has he taken a turn for the worse?
so many questions popping in my head and making my heart race.

changes....on the inside.

2007-06-25T17:49:00.000-07:00

We went away for part of the weekend. We did not go very far - about 40 minutes away from Saskatoon. But where we were had no cell service. I was uneasy the entire time. Always wondering about Dad, on edge and worrying about Mom...how things are with them, is everything okay. It was difficult to relax, if not impossible.

We were listening to some music being played by a local band and my husband leaned over to me and asked if I was relaxing yet? He knew I was uptight and anxious, but he was hopeful I would let my shoulders down and little....just a little. We did have some quiet time around a blazing fire and I did relax during that time, chatting with some friends we had not seen in over 30 years!!
Wow.

It was good to get home, hear Mom's voice and talk with her. I slept solid on Sunday night!

It was also comforting to go to their place at noon today and see Dad come slowly around the corner.....he's so tired, so thin....but he makes the effort cause his girl is their to share lunch with them. That's my Dad.

reality sets in

2007-06-22T02:12:00.000-07:00

Mom took Dad to the Cancer clinic on Wednesday. She wanted to just take a taxi, figured it was going to be a routine visit, x-ray and some blood work. But it turned out to be more....the Oncologist has given Dad about six weeks left to be on this earth. Hard news to take.
I am not ready to let him go. My emotions run like a roller coaster, one minute I can handle talking about him, the next I am in tears at the thought of him. He is hooked up to oxygen now and there is tubing running over their floor...it should help him with his labored breathing. Mom looks tired most of the time, daily chores become very labor intensive. My brothers stay in touch with my parents daily, now.
I find it difficult to sleep through the night, my mind is restless. Sometimes, I find myself just staring off into space....I guess my head just needs a moment away from it all.
Each day seems to bring something different and we need to be purposeful to find some happy moments. Sometimes I am too tired to do that, too.

2007-06-18T17:06:00.000-07:00

Supposedly, three Doctors involved. 1 - Dad's own general practitioner. 2. The Internal Medicine Man (respitory specialist) and the Oncologist/radiologist at the Cancer clinic.

Back in March this year while Dad was in hospitial he had a biopsy done that showed no results.
Not enough tissue was retrieved, apparently. So he went through the sore throat, uneasy feeling after...for not.
Just a couple of weeks ago, I took Dad to City Hospital for another biospsy....same type....same results we find out today....not enough tissue retrieved for results. I have questioned why the biospy...when the Cancer clinic is only going to give him one shot of radiation knowing what type of cancer he has or not??? did I misunderstand, the Doctor called Mom tonight and asked for Dad to be brought in again for a different "angle" biopsy. Mom is in tears, sobbing on the phone. She told the Doctor, NO....he's 85 years old....this is too much. Doctor agreed. (what did he not look at his chart and know Dad's age?????) Now Mom is crying,...did she do the right thing, should the biopsy be done....would there be more treatment if they got more tissue? So many questions to think about, worry about and Dad....well, Dad doesn't have an opinion ....even when questioned directly..his answer is always the same. I dunno, Mom and Donna will figure out what's best. No pressure...I mean really?. He is the most passive man on the planet Earth, but you would think he would care about his welfare....no, he leaves that in trusting hands of his wife and his kid - me. Stress.....comes in many forms...but no one ever could have told me it would come in the form of this kind.

selfless....or....martyr....that is the question?

2007-06-15T18:31:00.000-07:00

I have been diligently questioned about seeing a counsellor, a loved one is concerned over my welfare.
I thought that I was being selfless and giving, but.....the word martyr was brought into the conversation....pointed at me! There was talk that I was aging, becoming far too stressed and such. But, I am in a difficult situation here, my Dad is dying of lung cancer....my Mom is ...well, I feel like I can be a bit of a puppet, lets just put it that way! I always thought it was good to do for others, but if it gives you stomach aches, guilt blankets and words are bantered about in your presence that you don't do this..or that.....well, then....yes there is added stress. I am doing my level best to keep my own house in order, vent to friends and family, but there is little time for a lot of laughter and fun at the moment.
My Dad is sick. Work has it's own issues of great reality. Friends are dealing with issues of their own and we talk back and forth about family matters, matters of the heart and just plain old bitching some days.
Most people lose weight during difficult times in life, not me...gotta be different. oh, boy! I used to lose weight when stressed, but not any more.....things change.
I have to find time for me.....somewhere somehow....but it's difficult even carving out time to poke about in the yard without an agenda.
oh boy.
too much to ponder when my brain is flitting about elsewhere.......good grief.

back in the day.......

2007-05-31T05:58:00.000-07:00

back in the day....oh, ten years ago ...at least...I worked with a young lad who was going to University he was so bright and full of wit. A few weeks back a co-worker and I were talking about him wondering where he had gotten to. So like the all good people do eventually we googled his name....and wham found him right away. He is a Rhodes Scholar, has Doctor in front of his name, was at Princeton but now resides at McGill here in Canada. So we took a chance and e-mailed him, yesterday he replied. What a nice treat to hear from him and to see pictures of his growing family.

back in the day...I worked with a lovely woman named Lois. She and her husband dropped by to say hello. They were in the city for the week from Toronto. She brought with her smiles, warm memories and hug.
Yesterday had some lovely moments in it!

It also held some difficult ones that brought about frustration. I am doing my best to shelve those aside and hold the good ones close and dear.

Dad is doing okay. He coughs quite a bit now. So very thin. Another Doctor appointment today for him....he is so weakened by those excursions, but they are part and parcel of the process, I suppose.

just another manic monday......

2007-05-28T17:11:00.000-07:00

Awoke too early.
Walked a bit in the rain.
Had a visit with my Doctor.
Need to see Doctor again in a week.
Visited with my parents at lunch.
Dad so thin.
I make him smile....which in turn makes me happy.
Work day seemed to drag.
Home.
ahhhhh.

I had a tough time this morning, as I was thinking of the time ahead when my Dad would no longer be on the planet Earth. It is a difficult thing when one is really "tight" with a parent to think about them slowly fading from this life into the hereafter. Can't dwell on that. Just trying to enjoy the moments I can with Dad.

The weather doesn't seem to "lighten" the mood at all. Been very dreary and rainy today, much like myself. Time to gather up some "light" and "restore" the sparkle that God places in our lives....even when the days seem pretty dark.

at work....

2007-05-26T15:01:00.000-07:00

I am at work, taking a break.

I have the pleasure of working in the same building as a really nice, level-headed, very clever,
witty young man. Andrew is a little younger than my son, but he reminds me of him, A LOT.

Andrew always takes the time to drop by and say hello, share life stories. I enjoy his wit and laughter....I expect he will become a leader in a community when he finishes his schooling. Yep, nice young man....I have high aspirations for this young fella.

It will be interesting to look back ten years from now and see where Andrew is.....

2007-05-25T04:35:00.001-07:00

We spent the afternoon with Dad at the Cancer clinic, it was a tough afternoon. Difficult statements issued by the Doctor, hard for the ears to hear but even more difficult on the heart.
Mom broke down once we got home and cried her heart out, a few times. Dad will receive only one radiation therapy and it needs to be done at an integral time, so we will wait until he gets the symptoms they talked about. I gave the nurse a hand taking Dad's shirt off and putting on the gown, my heart fell to my knees the strong and solid man that was my Dad is no more.
I was pretty much in a fog for the remainder of the day, last night I woke thinking about Dad and all that he will have to go through yet. I cannot dwell on it as I turn to tears and get very upset so trying to keep the chin up and take each day as it comes along will be my prayer.

I have long standing plans to have friends come over tonight for a barbeque, I just went outside and our brand new patio set's table is in shards on the deck! It went below zero last night....it would seem the table did not like the chill in the air and collapsed into fragments like fine hair, all of which are sitting under the frame of the table at the moment.....I could cry...but what's the point, that won't help matters. I will make a phone call later once the store is open and see what they will do for us. oh boy

The sky is perfect blue at the moment, so maybe the day's weather will turn out.....please!!!!

I never made the debate team ....

2007-05-17T20:33:00.000-07:00

So today was another milestone or valley depending on the way you view things. Dad had a follow up appointment with the Dr. that did his broncoscopy at City Hospital. This Dr. will be writing a letter to ask the Oncologist to give Dad some radiation without doing another biopsy, this will be a second "specialist" to send a letter to the Oncologist requesting that radiation be done without requirement of tissue. Apparently, the Oncologist we are dealing with is a difficult person to deal with....the Dr's were hoping that once we had a face to face confrontation with the Oncologist we would be able to debate our way into his good graces and have him give Dad the radiation backed by the two letters from each specialist. Here is the problem, I wear my heart on my sleeve and my brain gets soggy in the process. I really need to be on my toes with questions, queries and some darn good responses when dealing with this situation......here's hoping God gives me the strength as well as the wisdom to bring this to an outcome that is best for my Dad.

I went out this evening and picked up most of my bedding plants, will tuck them into their beds on Monday....as I listen to the weather report for the weekend, me thinks waiting until Monday is a really good idea. Those poor people near Porcupine Plain/Hudson Bay area.....a winter storm warning.....really? wow.

I was out and about yesterday at noon and found a backpack for little Molly. The backpack is pink with Curious George on it.....too cute. Now, she has her own bag to use when she is coming over for a sleepover, or just a play date and needs to bring extra clothing. The backpack came with a little "lunch kit" but I believe Molly's extra shoes will fit into it perfectly!! Nice. She was tickled when I gave it to her tonight, what a great moment ...to see such a sweet little face lite up so brightly over something so simple.

I really look forward to relaxing and just puttering around the house over the weekend....no travelling, no expectations, no obligations, just nothing but relax and enjoy those days off.
Perfect. ah......to savor some precious time doing what I want, when I want.......huh...perfect!

Just observations......

2007-05-02T16:50:00.000-07:00

I observe....
some people bathe in their perfume....
the trees have begun to sprout their lovely fresh green leaves!....
some teenagers wear clothes that are made two sizes too small.....
the smell of fresh cut grass is truly a beautiful thing......
some woman wear really a LOT of makeup......
it's great to see new little plant shoots raising themselves out of the soil......
some people talk on their cell phones WAY to LOUDLY......
the sky has been quite gray for days and yet, no refreshing rain.....
some people have their little ipods so loud that people four seats away on the bus can hear the music.......
some people wear mass amounts of jewelry.....
some people work so hard and long they fall asleep on their way home (on the bus).......
some people look like their face would break if they smiled......

These are a few things I observed on the bus ride home tonight!!!

elusive things.....

2007-04-29T13:00:00.000-07:00

Some elusive things in my life lately have been:
REST - cannot seem to get enough sleep or rest. That is a first for me, as I usual hit the pillow and I am out like a light, these days I am wake up in the middle of the night for one reason or another then find it really difficult to quiet my mind and body enough to go back to sleep quickly.

SANDALS - sounds simple enough. Locate a pair of sandals, find your size and purchase them. Well, female sandals are much the same throughout the city at the moment. They are all made with little heels, tall heels, chubby heels, wedged heels....all very nice and impractical. I need practical, I'm on a cement floor at work and my feet demand flat, comfortable, properly fitted shoes....now with that in mind ....go looking for sandals. Oh, yeah there is the thong, the flip flop, the little plastic ones that melt to your feet as the days goes on!! I searched and searched for walking sandals that would not cost a small house payment!! I did finally find a pair, but it took almost two weeks of searching....really how elusive should summer sandals be?

Good health - I am tired of this cough/cold thing. It's been too long with me, I have been to the Doctor...it's just gonna take time. Doesn't make me any happier knowing that it's just gonna take time.....ah, well. Soon.

Contentment - I am fairly jumpy these days. When the phone rings, questions pop into my head - is Dad okay? is Mom okay? something happen? I don't seem to find myself "settled" anymore, anxious would be a good word, I suppose.

Those are a few things that are elusive.....but life is okay. We are moving along day by day, trying to enjoy things as they come along, taking the bad along with the good. Today, hopefully if all goes well, Dad & Mom will be here for a little while and if the weather permits we can sit out on the deck for a bit. Little things like that, hoping it makes Dad feel good to be outside with family around. Watching Molly blow bubbles, listening to the birds sing and smelling the barbequed hamburgers .......not everything is elusive, sometimes you gotta grab hold of a few of the good things in life and hang on to 'em for a few minutes!!!

the sound of his voice

2007-04-22T19:13:00.000-07:00

Tonight I talked on the phone with my Dad. He seldom talks on the phone, it's not his favorite thing to do, EVER. But Mom was out enjoying some singing and I thought I'd check in on Dad.
We chatted for a while. It was nice. When I hung up the phone, I realized that each time I asked about my Dad's health, he would answer very simply then talk about me......
"Dad how is your stomach feeling tonight?"
"Not quite so gurgly. How is your cold?"
"I am feeling better thanks. Dad, where you able to eat much today?"
"oh..enough. You make sure you get some sleep tonight? Rest will help you get over that cold."
You don't want to get yourself run down." "Do you think you might come here for lunch tomorrow?"
"If I know that I won't be sharing my cold, I will be there....I'll call you in the morning."
"What's all the clacking?"
"oh....I'm just doing the dishes."
"Where's Brett?.....??"
"uh...Dad he made supper, so I'm doing the dishes (smile)"
"oh..."

It would seem to me, that most of my life....my Dad feels I work to hard, do too much, love more than most, spread myself too thin.....yup, that's my Dad....that's why tonight after my conversation with him, I cried. Cried hard. I am going to miss that man something awful when he is called Home. For now, I treasure the moments when I walk in their apartment and he sits in his chair and waits for me to come around the corner, we share a knowing look when Mom walks out of the room after she has talked about cleaning all morning (I actually tease her about having that pink cloth going to the grave with her ----it's always in her hand), finding a candy that I know he will enjoy, little things are really important now.....memories tucked away.
Still made me cry tonight. Can't help myself.

Here we go ......again....

2007-04-21T13:28:00.000-07:00

The fever has hit.
The fairways are calling.
The shoes have been dusted off.
The clubs are arranged, neatly.

Yessireee, here goes another golf season.

I have not been bite by the golf bug. I , as yet, do not find walking (or riding in a cart) around nine holes of a golf course enjoyable to the point I want to do it again right away...making up eighteen holes. Heaven help me. I get distracted by the different plants growing on the edges, I check out the flower beds much too often, I watch for wild life instead of concentrating on the game. I tend to want to use my golf club like a baseball bat....it's not pretty. I am better off staying at home, puttering around the yard or reading. My husband on the other hand is crazed over the sport!
I know he is holding onto hope that one day I will find that I, too, have been bitten by the golf bug....maybe someday..but for now....ah, once or twice a season is perfectly fine with moi to take out the clubs and hammer away at the turf....make an idiot of myself at the tee box by slicing the ball straight into the bush, or how about the time I hit "into" the ball so hard that I actually drifted my club into the ground so hard I sprained by wrist and it swelled up like a bee bite me.
Good grief. Tis the season....but it ain't for me....not yet, anyway.
Maybe lessons would be a good idea....actually I tried that a few years ago...the guy tried to tell me I was a natural.....I MEAN REALLY!! I know when something isn't working so good....golf and me...not natural. Best to stick with what I know at the moment......puttering around the yard and reading. Unless of course, I can drive the cart......ah....let me re-think this stuff.

Okay, I have thought about it....NAH

a little gift.....

2007-04-19T15:23:00.000-07:00

Being home with a cold really sucks.
My glasses sitting on my nose is painful, the sinus cold makes the headache horrid and all parts near the area of sinus makes it terribly tender...therefore the glasses sitting on the nose is a bit of a particular irritant. I have tried to read some, but...again the headache. Yesterday night was the worst. I don't think my poor husband got much more sleep than I did, I was up sipping water, blowing my nose and trying to breathe!! Today he came home with some sinus medicine. He told me I was black under the eyes and looked rough.....YA THINK!!?....so he kindly brought home some medicine. This afternoon about three o'clock the headache was removed. But don't believe it when they write non-drowsy on those packages...I was out like a light for over an hour n half. Woke up to the tv quietly in the background....and one of my most favorite shows was playing "Fried Green Tomatoes". Oh, I love that show. So the headache is gonzo, a movie I love was playing ....all I did was blow my nose and sip 7 up this afternoon. Small relief, I know....but hey relief...is a beginning!!

hear it, absorb it....caught it

2007-04-17T18:45:00.000-07:00

Two days ago on the radio I heard that it's once again flu/cold season. Did not think much of it as I have warded off two of them this winter with the Cold FX product. Then wham.
At work, I sneezed constantly for the entire day...not other sign of the "cold" just the sneezing so I thought maybe it was something in the air. Wrong.
Next morning, feeling low, achy and a wee bit miserable. Went to the medicine cabinet...oh, no.
I gave the last of my Cold FX to my brother.....oh, dear. So when I got home from work 8 hours later I ran to the drug store and picked some up....hoping. Nah. Too late.
Today, it's affirmed....I got the cold. Sound like someone shoved kleenex in my head/nose, breathing is a little tough through the nose but for the most part I'm dealing with it. Too bad about the Cold FX being out....as it sure worked the last two times.
Know better for next time, I suppose.
Better get more kleenex, too.
Ah....choo.
later, folks.

wrestling with wandering senses and flitting thoughts

2007-04-15T11:09:00.000-07:00

Learning to draw water up from the spiritual well?
hard labor, indeed.
Constant flitting from one worldly distraction to another.
Awareness of "listening" in order to "do" so that we may learn that when God speaks we hear and act upon. A consistent renewal of our minds - meditating, quiet time, waiting, studying.

so easily said and so difficult to remain doing.

Getting caught up in emotions & physical ailments seem to drain one's time to find spiritual renewal, but it's the time when it's needed most. Learning to let go, quiet one's mind, relax one's body so that you can be restored, renewed and refreshed....is a difficult task indeed. but one needs to be "in deed"....I have found little if any time to be prayerful, quiet and refreshed. It shows, I feel it.

God grace. Amazing.

life is a highway

2007-04-14T01:12:00.000-07:00

I took the brother to the airport Friday afternoon. It was good of him to visit with Mom and Dad for the length of time he did, amazing actually.
It's strange having an adult sibling who lives so far away on the planet, whom I seldom have communication, with staying at the house. Our lives are so entirely different, his is about making money and constantly being "on the go", the stories he told....well, if I didn't have curly hair already I believe I would have now. His path is uncluttered by relationships. Relationships are pillars of which I am completely and contentedly surrounded with. My friends and family are interwoven, integral webbing of my life.

Brooke spent time with me yesterday afternoon after we dropped LRL at the airport. It was nice to have my daughter be a part of my day, she is full of sunshine and goodness, her smile brings happiness with it. She is feeling much better but will likely have another surgery in a couple of months, after that we hope and pray she will be completely healed!!

Our son is playing basketball this weekend away from home. Basketball continues to be one of the loves of his life, nice to be able to enjoy playing a sport you love then sitting outside with a few close friends talking about the game......soaking up some sunshine and sipping on a few pop.

Tomorrow the weather is suppose to be fantastic. I will, however, be inside the entire day....ah, well there will be other nice days to behold. It's just so great to finally have some warm weather coming our way.....snow, fresh on the ground two days ago then....wham....tanning weather. Only in Saskatchewan!!

Why?

2007-04-09T10:08:00.000-07:00

Molly asks that all the time now....why?
Yesterday was quite a milestone. We had Easter dinner with Mom, Dad, my brother from Australia Larry, our kids & their families. It was a great day. Dad grew tired, but hung in there for reasons of his own, I suppose. But it was a nice day for a great memory. I did go to the bedroom and cry twice....not over what you might think, considering all that has been going on with my Dad. No, my brother continues to plead with our kids to leave Saskatchewan, to see the world....I know our son has no intention of moving away, no problem there. It's our daughter, who chats up a storm .....and my thoughts go directly to Molly. (Crap...I just burst into tears again....crap!) Just the thought of not being able to get a hug, see her little dimples or know she was just a few moments away about tears my heart right outta my chest. I know that they have no evident plans of moving away, but just having that thought in my head woke me up at four this morning in tears. What an emotional mess, I must be. I never understood how much love you could have for a grandchild until Molly's little hand held mine, rocking her too sleep, having her hold my cheeks with her little hands and say right into my eyes "I love you, Gramma", or like yesterday she pushed her tiny little nose into mine (not so tiny nose) and said over and over again whilst looking into my eyes...."Gramma, wanna go downstairs with me?" I said "what?" just so she would do it again. On Thursday, she gave me the longest hug before leaving the house, moments that forever are engraved into my heart.
My thoughts, my heart.....just an emotional day, I suppose....well, let's chalk it up to that anyway.

As I said my brother from Australia is here for a visit with Mom and Dad. That will perk Dad up like no medicine can, his boy(s) in the same room as him makes him feel better just that alone....does it. I am glad.

Yesterday at church.....sat in "movie chair seats" wow...talk about comfortable. Met a friend that is battling breast cancer, she glows with happiness, exuberance and life....what an amazing woman she is.....what a great attitude.

Life can sure through you curves now and then, we all deal with stuff ....each in our own way.
Today, I think I just need some quiet time, my emotions seem to be at an all time high.....yeash.
If this is menopause, I could do with out the tears part, I tell ya...good grief.

A guiding hand.......

2007-04-06T11:52:00.000-07:00

Some weeks ago when Dad was in hospital the Drs. there want to do a specific type of biopsy. They talked about doing it soon....as within the next few days.....I balked. Then the weekend had past and the Drs. talked again about making arrangements for doing this specific biopsy meanwhile Dad is laying in that hospital bed, unattached to an IV, no more oxygen.....losing strength and will daily. I felt convicted to get him out. So one afternoon I chatted over the phone with one of his Drs. and told her that I was taking Dad home. The biopsy arrangements could be made after he had a few days of contentment at home through their regular Doctor, if that was what the next step would be.....hmmm. Yesterday a thoracic surgeon confirmed my fear, if that biopsy had been performed Dad probably would not make it through. Due to the placement of the mass, due to a large artery that overlays the mass....it would be almost impossible to do that biopsy without damage to Dad!! Her experience spoke volumes. God's voice spoke in my ear. The thoracic surgeon is going to go head to head, face to face with the radiologist/oncologist to get Dad a couple of radiation hits that will help shrink the mass....without the biopsy. It's nice to know that the Holy Spirit continues to whisper in my ear, and thankfully I listened!! It brings tears to my eyes each time I think of it. God knows what would have happened if we would have went ahead with that biopsy.....now, thankfully we do too!! What a blessing within such a difficult time.

I thank each and everyone who has prayed.....never doubt it....He is listening.

Bohemian.....

2007-04-04T19:32:00.000-07:00

I don't mean Bohemian as in unconventional, or artsy....I mean plain, earthy and real. That is pretty much how I would like to describe myself. It just dawned on me that thats the way I feel is usually a little "bohemian". I sometimes wear "different" type of clothing,...no hippy-chick here; just me....being me. Add sensitive to bohemian, and you get a realistic, earthy, but touchy human being....yup that would be me these days.
I'm fed up with so many things, my patience runs thin at work as there seems to be a virus in the air that makes people complain, say things they have no business saying/asking. I know I'm tired and hyper-sensitive so I am doing my level best to heighten my patience level, but sometimes it has reach it's limitations and I need to "walk away".

So much going on within the family unit. My Dad will see yet another specialist tomorrow....it is so difficult for him to even get from the apartment into the car never mind find the strength to go to a appointment, but it's what needs to be done. Poor Dad will be completely wore out after tomorrow afternoon. He has lost approx. 50 pounds now, he's so thin in comparison to what he used to be. He rests about 70% of the day, the other 30% take up watching a little tv, having a meal ...that's about it. He remains pain-free, what a blessing that has been. He has had a few melancholy moments, those are so terribly tough on the heartstrings. But, for now we are content to know that he is pain-free and peaceful remaining at home with Mom tending to 99.9% of his needs. She's not really healthy either, what with her having battled breast cancer, a heart condition and her constant battle with leukemia....but she's an independent, feisty woman who won't give in to much.....tenacious would be a good word to describe my Mother.
She has been by Dad's side constantly through these past weeks, tired and weary but there!

Our daughter took a trip to emergency on Monday. Went on to have some surgery Monday night, a little stay overnight in hospital and then sent home to recover. She is a tough little cookie and doing everything she can to heal quickly. Her husband is a great guy, watching over their little girl, watching over his wife and trying to keep life in balance.

Life sure can be a roller coaster sometimes. But, this old gal is trying to have her feet firmly planted on the ground, her faith strong and putting in one day at a time. The bohemian part just adds some "depth" to my life, I'm thinkin'......

carrying the load...

2007-03-29T18:53:00.000-07:00

Dad is carrying the heaviest of loads. When he can't sleep he thinks, his mind considers that which is to come and a lot of that was has been, from the different procedures he has gone through in the recent past to the wonder of "how come no Dr. found anything when I so often said, "I don't feel good!" and now I am facing what? I talked with Dad for sometime at lunch, Mom went out with my Aunt for a bit today and Dad & I had lunch together at their apt. It's tough to see his clothes hang off his body, his arms so thin...but yet there is no pain and he talks until he tires...which isnt' long but it's nice to be able to have these moments to treasure. His strength is quickly fading but he manages to get around the apt. slowly without a walker, shuffling along...the sound of his slippers on the carpet are forever going to be in my head. We have had a routine for what seems like an eternity....when I leave their apt. I stand at the door and chat a moment with Mom, Dad stays in his chair...always has....and just before I head out the door...I say "bye Dad"...he replies, with either..."bye" or "see ya later"...oh...and the odd time he will say "you'll call tonight?" yeah Dad, I always do...always will....from now until ...well, I always will.

getting ready for battle.....

2007-03-27T19:17:00.000-07:00

Every day is a battle.
Spiritual, physically, emotional and sometimes mental.
My Dad is dealing with all those battles possible at this time. But battles are won each and every day, not always won in the way 'we' would see them....I know Dad's condition is grave and worrisome. But for this moment in time, he continues to be pain free and at home where he can rest in his own bed, eat the food his wife makes and contentment is simple. The battle within the physical is going to be moving ahead, the strategy will alter as he is going to go for the mediastinoscopy the Doctors require before seeing Oncology brought into the picture. Spiritual, we pray for God to breathe strength into his slight and frail human body, that He would give the gift of endurance and patience to Mom as she walks this walk along beside Dad, daily. Praying that Dad's own spirit would be gathering forces for the battle that is yet to come, and those heavenly guardians would surround him keeping him safe and secure in God's hands whilst he wages war on that which has caused him to deteriorate physically over these past few months.

Great friends have been allies, sending prayers, concern and care, warm hugs and even a jar or two of home-made soup (thanks L.)- all gestures of friendship and love. All have been welcomed and we are so thankful.....the Lord has supplied us with a wealth of "pillars" to hold us up, care for us and encourage us as we continue this difficult walk.

There are blessings to be found even in the gray days.

as the world turns.....

2007-03-24T16:29:00.000-07:00

I remember a moment when.....
we were driving down the road heading to my father-in-laws funeral - my husband's Mom said "I don't know how the world continues to turn with out Dad". It was like everyone should KNOW and UNDERSTAND that someone they loved was taken off the earth and their heartache should be felt universally.
I felt similar feelings yesterday, how can the world be buzzy about when I am so tired and my Dad is so ill, Mom is exhausted and yet decisions need to be made about more testing, then when/what treatment can be in the mix.

But, the world continues to turn and life goes on. Routine stuff keeps our minds from "thinking" too much, mundane things like eating and cleaning are mindless chores but keep our hands busy,
books take me away for an hour or two to a land far,far away....all things we do to keep from letting ourselves drown in the facts.
A beautiful little ray of sunshine has been our daughter's lovely smile at our door, her concerned voice on the phone, acts of kindness, little Molly's sweet little voice and presence now and again bring sunshine and warmth, friends care and concern seem to be a solid pillar to lean on when one feels like crumbling on to the floor exhausted and overwhelmed....prayers from your mouth to God's ear and His strength aids us to walk a difficult walk in a dark valley with only His light to guide us through. I feel sometimes like I'm in a "maze" not sure which way to turn, who to ask for assistance, the questions that need to be asked, am I asking the right ones to the right people, struggling for information and searching the internet for hours, finding an answer to one question only to realize another has popped up in it's place......finding the place to get plugged into has been interesting and challenging but rewarding when solutions are at hand and Mom's concerns and worries in dealing with everyday things for Dad are put to rest. Keeping my brother's informed constantly, replying to their questions and concerns....I'm thinking an assistant just might be needed if I had any more siblings! The days in the past few weeks seem to have 48 hours in each one instead of the usual 24....but, all in all we are hanging in there.

Walking the halls of the hospital one realizes how fortunate "good health" really is and how much we take it for granted each and every day......life may throw us curves now and then...like the new vehicle did not come in yet, the ice-cream melted before getting home, the
light bill needed to be paid yesterday, the house won't be ready to move into as soon as we thought, we need a new couch....everyday curves...but when one get a "knuckle ball" thrown at you like your health is in jeopardy then little else matters.

and the world continues to turn......

Dad

2007-03-20T14:00:00.000-07:00

Today, we had a consultation with the Dad's Doctors.
He has lung cancer, as well as a secondary cancer in his bowel, they believe.

The only treatment would be a single, possible double, radiation to shrink the mass in his right lung. Anything beyond that is up to God, how long Dad will be with us...I dunno, keeping him as pain free as possible will be our quest, to keep him comfortable and as content as can be expected is the only goal we will be searching for. My brother from Alberta was here to partake of the consultation, for that I am thankful. Mom is taking the news with heart on her sleeve, but she is a "tough old bird" like my sister-in-law says....and she's independent, those characteristics will take her a long way down this road. My other brother in Australia, well, he will read it via e-mail and we have a planned phone call for tonight.

I have moments were I think very rationally, then in the blink of an eye....I'm sobbing and can't think beyond breathing in and out. This is my Dad....my Dad. The Dad who thinks I'm the smartest, do anything, achieve the amazing, prettiest gal on the face of the planet Earth.
My Dad - a rock from the foundation of which I have grown is being shaken and taken away, no he is not the cornerstone of my life....but it will take time for my foundation to re-adjust and I will remain strong....just a little shaky for awhile.

determination....

2007-03-15T06:00:00.000-07:00

Today Dad has his biopsy, he will be transferred to a different hospital for the procedure.
I did not sleep well, again. It's difficult not to let the mind race about. In an hour from now, Dad will begin the process of "knowing". The time has finally come when we should KNOW something!

tracks of my tears....and fears....

2007-03-14T06:45:00.000-07:00

What an emotional day.
Dad was in so much pain Monday night, it was really difficult having to leave him and go home.
He was waiting to be actually "admitted" and placed in a bed in a ward. As we left the hospital, I noticed the window we were passing was actually the one I had been looking out of while we waited with Dad in ER. I stopped and peaked in, yep, there was Dad. He looked so forlorn, frail and his eyes were huge....good grief. I told Mom she should wave at him, maybe he would see. So, she got right up against the window and waved with a big smile, he noticed and lifted his hand in farewell.

Tuesday, Brett and I went up at noon to see Dad. They were putting him through more tests, more ...more...more. I realize the process needs to be done, but it was taking it's toll. Dad was not in pain anymore, so that was a relief. But he looked so tired. He was in for more tests in the afternoon. We went up directly after work and took Mom up with us. Dad was exhausted. He was sound asleep when we walked into his room, Mom leaned over and gently rubbed his arm. He woke up saying "how did I get here?"...he thought we had taken him home! Sorry Dad not yet. After a few minutes of confusion he realized he was still in hospital and began to tell us about his afternoon of tests....poor guy. But, the Doctors are ruling things out slowly and we are coming to a few conclusions of what is going on and what isn't.
Wednesday is one more test. Then Thursday/Friday will be a biopsy of the lung. The process of testing is coming to a conclusion, slowly....but at least we will KNOW.

My humble thanks to each of you who have prayed for us, Mom said yesterday she believed that is how Dad actually had the strength to get through these tests!! These have been difficult days, emotionally and physically....but we are not finished yet.....and we plan on finishing STRONG!!

keep walking...one foot in front of the other....just keep walking...

2007-03-12T20:32:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a good day. We spent the day with Mom and Dad, Dad had a good day, he ate well and had a very restful nap.
Today, I went over to their apt. for lunch, Mom met me at the door. Moments later, we were all enroute to the hospital. Dad was in pain.
He is admitted to hospital. More tests tomorrow. Calls to siblings and friends. Friends calling with encouragement and prayers.

Waiting, wondering....more waiting. Pondering, worrying, fear, and angst.
Waiting, wondering...more waiting.

that's my job, that's what I do...

2007-03-10T16:08:00.000-08:00

It's a line from a old country tune sung by Conway Twitty. I would want to give Dad thanks, want to do something in return for something he had done for me...but his answer was always the same,....no..no..no! "That's my job, that's what I do."

Today, we sorta reversed roles. The ambulance took Dad to the hospital and I met him there.
Mom is exhausted and did not go up with Dad. I sat by his side throughout the day, throughout the tests, answered questions when he would look over at me like a lost soul and I was, thankfully, able to answer them for the medical staff. Dad is back home tonight. What does the future hold...I dunno....but, I do know that being by his side is my job. ' Cause now it's time to say to him - "that's my job, that's what I do" .... actually I did say that as I left him to rest in his own chair tonight...when he tried to say thanks for being by his side.

Here are the lyrics to that song that my Dad referred to often.....


                        
I woke up cryin' late at night - when I was very young
I had dreamed my father - had passed away and gone
My world revolved around him - I couldn't lie there anymore
So I made my way down the mirrowed hall and tapped upon his door.

And I said, "Daddy, I'm so afraid!
How would I go on, with you gone that way?
Don't wanna cry anymore
So may I stay with you?"

And he said,
"That's my job, that's what I do
Everything I do is because of you
To keep you safe with me ...
That's my job, you see."

Later we barely got along - this teenage boy and he
Most of the fights it seems - were over different dreams
We each held for me ...
He wanted knowledge and learning - I wanted to fly out west
"Said I could make it out there - if I just had the fare
I got half, will you loan me the rest?"

And I said, "Daddy, I'm so afraid
Theres no guarentee in the plans I've made
And if I should fail, who will pay my way back home?"

And he said,
"That's my job, that's what I do
Ev'rything I do is because of you
To keep you safe with me ...
That's my job, you see."

Every person carves his spot - and fills the hole with life
And I pray someday I might - light as bright as he.

Woke up early one bright fall day - read the tragic news
After all my travels, I settled down - within a mile or two
I make my livin' with words and rhymes - and all the tragedies
Should go into my head and out instead - as bits of poetry.

But I say, "Daddy I'm so afraid
How will I go on - with you gone this way
How can I come up - with a song to say, "I love you."

"That's my job, that's what I do
Ev'rything I do is because of you
To keep you safe with me ...
That's my job, you see."

Welcome to Saskatoon, land of living skies and learning to prevent the flood....

2007-03-07T18:35:00.000-08:00

The City of Saskatoon has posted this information on their web site...I just thought I'd pass it along.

Flood prevention in your home and yard is your responsibility. Here are some tips to help reduce your risk of a flood:

(Some tips involve snow shovelling which is heavy work. Consider doing a bit at a time and please use care and caution. Get help if you have health concerns.)

Remove snow from around your foundation. Pay particular attention to the areas around window wells.
Most lots drain along the outside edges. Remove snow from these areas.
Keep the snow in your yard. Shovelling onto streets or lanes could block drainage.
Help keep catch basins clear. Where possible, safelyclear snow, ice, and debris from the catch basins in your area.
Clear snow and ice from around the bottom of your downspouts and extend downspouts at least two metres so water drains away from your foundation.
Check your roof and eavestroughs for excess snow. Consider hiring a professional to clear snow from your roof. A roof rake may help to clear snow and debris from the edge of your roof.
Consider using sandbags to block water from entering low lying areas beside your foundation.
If water is getting close to your foundation, use an appropriate pump to drain it to the gutter or back lane. Please use all equipment properly and follow safety guidelines.

We have done a few of these things...but I think the flooding is reality...especially when and IF it happens quickly. oh, boy....
Tonight conversation was about buying sump pumps...go figure, and snow removal. Awareness and planning ahead are our best defense.....okay, and maybe building an ark.
Were does one get sand bags? I've never heard of a roof rake...know any professional roof rake-type of people? I think we need a little more planning in our house, maybe a little more information...but we do have a sump pump...and plenty of shovels.....and we have moved a large amount of the snow away from the house.....so...maybe...just maybe....

different as night and day....

2007-03-07T18:25:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was stressful. Yesterday was filled with waiting and wondering. Yesterday was a long and grueling day of anxiety and then relief came.

Today was routine. Then this evening was filled with a bonfire, roasted marshmallows, barbequed hot dogs and skating, hockey and sleighing down a hill....watching Molly with her Uncle and Auntie was such a pleasure. The attentive outlook they had over little Molly was sweet to witness. Her little button nose was pink and her cheeks so rosy....she had a wonderful time and rest assured that she will sleep well tonight with all that fresh air....it was a perfect winter evening. There was no wind, the weather had warmed up and everyone was enjoying just getting out of the house and sharing some laughs.

Whereas yesterday will filled angst, today was routine and then fun, food and frolic.....what a roller coaster life can be....

I guess we just hang on for the ride.

update ....

2007-03-06T15:10:00.000-08:00

Well, Dad is at home, resting.
He had a wild ride today. But, considering the way it could have went but didn't we are happy.
The CT scan showed no sign of cancer, but the other procedure showed a hernia that has the bowel going completely through it. The hernia would be like a "doughnut" around the bowel, it may never be a problem, it could also squeeze the bowel and if that were to happen Dad's life would be in danger. Surgery is the only answer, the decision when and how, or even if, is up to Dad, Mom and the Doctors. Right now, we are celebrating the fact that he has no cancers and they have located a problem that could be made right through surgery. Dad is very, very tired. But glad to be home where it's quiet.

I thank each of you for your thoughts and prayers for me and my family. Just knowing that you were bringing our names to God gave comfort, knowing He was walking with us added strength and resolve to each hour of the day. My humble thanks.

Onward we go......

and one more to go....

2007-03-06T06:37:00.000-08:00

Mom leaned over to Dad while he waited in the bed to have his procedure done and asked "is your heart racing?"
He replied "no."
Good grief, mine was like a runaway train.
The entire day was filled with waiting, wondering and waiting. It was difficult to watch Dad in some pain but when it finally began to subside and by the end of the evening his color was a little better from the blood transfusion. Mom was good throughout the day, let tears fall a couple of times, became exhausted and needed a change of scenery a couple of times where she would walk to a waiting room...but your in a place where people are talking about their ailments ...you're basically surrounded, conversation is not uplifting and she was beginning to wear down. The nurses were fantastic, when they suggested I take Mom to the waiting room....we would peek around the corner to see Dad and each time we did a nurse was there rubbing his arm and quietly speaking with him....comforting on both sides!
It was a long, long day. The Doctor admitted Dad for overnight due to his being so weak, etc.
Today we are back up at the hospital and Dad will have a CT scan, and another procedure...
then maybe...just maybe we will know why Dad has been 'fading' the way he has......

here we go....round two.

Tomorrow....tomorrow....

2007-03-04T11:37:00.000-08:00

I spend the day in the hospital tomorrow.
My 84 year old Dad is having a procedure done, it should affirm what the Doctor believes to be the reason his blood is so terribly low. The Doctor tried pills, shots and diet to have his blood be raised to a normal level, all that has failed...it continues to drop. My arm is now larger than my Dad's, he cannot twist open a jar lid, he is worn out after having a shower...he lays and rests to regain the strength he loses after such a ordinary task, Dad is pale and at times his eyes are so "open wide" he looks like a deer that got caught in headlights. Life is draining away. He is fading from this life.
It breaks my heart to watch him, slowly become a frail shell of what he once was. This is the man that personified patience, as he carved wood into a amazing piece of furniture, watched over me as I fumbled to learn how to use a skill saw, a drill and sandpaper - he believed in me - that I would learn, be careful and do it the right way if he just guided me through. He through example taught me honesty is a worthy friend and ally. Dad has shown me throughout my life what humble looks like, modest is something that comes from within yourself as you give out to others. He is my biggest fan, my quiet and noble Dad. I am aware he is not perfect, he used to cuss like a sailor, actually I think he may have taught them a word or two, his faults when they arose were few, but dandys! But, always he was THERE. When I smucked up the car in my early days of driving, he never yelled at me...calmly asked what happened and we went about the process of repairing my damaged ego and his damaged car. When I slammed the back door out of anger, he gently would call me back and ask me not to return to the scene as an emotional teenager....but to remember that doors are not slammed shut in anger...they are always thoughtfully and gently closed....and I could leave, but return in 30 minutes and finish the conversation....AFTER, I gently closed the back door! Over the years I have witnessed how love for my Mom was unconditional, in each and every circumstance life threw them, in good times and not so good times, he was never going anyway but was always by her side. Well, except when it came to hospital visits...and that in hindsight was just as well he did not attempt to visit as we would have been lifting him off the floor and watching out for Mom. Dad and hospitals don't mix, he sorta faints....pretty much every time he has to be in one...he has a bit of a "moment" lets say. So...tomorrow, when we enter the doors to the hospital we are covered in courage, strength and grace of God.....tomorrow we will likely understand what it is that is causing him to be in this state of health. Tomorrow I will be the one to watch over him, to hold him up in case he struggles, to pick him up if need be and see him safely home....the roles are reversed a bit, but the love Dad has for his daughter will add to the strength I get from my heavenly Father....we will walk strong and tall....together.

tomorrow....tomorrow......

concentrated effort....

2007-03-03T05:27:00.000-08:00

My conscience told me that I needed to make more of a concentrated effort in recycling...so I have added a few more bins to my recycling area and am trying to be very aware of what I am putting in the garbage when I could be throwing it in the recycle bin. Last month I did recycled all our milk containers because the money would be going to Telemiracle...but just because the money goes to Telemiracle doesn't mean I don't continue to recycle my milk containers...it was nice to know that the money would be used in a specific place. Uh...I should explain that we drink a LOT of milk so there is a LOT of containers!!...as well,...if you don't wash those puppies out...wow...can they stink!! ew.

Our grand-daughter went on a date with her Daddy last night. He took her to the sock-hop at the school, he teaches there. He called his wife to pass along that Molly was doing the "locomotion" with some girls there....I can only imagine the smile on little Molly's face being on the dance floor and putting on her dancing moves. Too much fun!!

It was my day off yesterday and I surprised our Tess. Tess and I had talked on the phone the other day and she was a little down, too much snow, too much work, too much...too much...we chatted for a bit and I said maybe a bath. You know the bath every woman talks about but seldom does,,...the candles, low lighting, soaking in perfumed water....she thought it was a pretty good idea....after I hung up the phone I got to thinking. My working Mom used to say that the best part of Friday's was her coming home and knowing the cleaning lady had been there. Mom did not have to do the cleaning routine on her day off....even though by the time she could afford a cleaning lady there was just Mom and Dad living at home!! ...it still made a huge difference in her weekend off. So, I made arrangements and yep, I went over and did some freshening up of their place. I spent two hours there, and when I left I put a bouquet of flowers on the coffee table. It felt great knowing that I had done something for someone....did not cost me money, only my time and that was well spent. She was so appreciative....yeah, it was a little effort on my part but so very well worth it!!

that hurt.....

2007-02-26T08:58:00.000-08:00

I have gotten into the chair now how to manage to get out of it?
Yesterday, whilst moving snow I turned and went to chuck a "snowcake" ...you know the big chunks of snow that break off looking like a slab of cake...anyway I turned and threw it...just as I threw something out in my back, or pulled something...I dunno. I do know it's painful. This is a first for me, have never had a back ailment before....now, I know what the fuss is all about. Wow.

Advil, the heating pad and slow movements are on the agenda for today....I called into work telling them I won't be there. So, it's quiet in store. Good thing I have some book reading I can catch up on...cause that will be the extent of movement...my eyes left to right, left to right as I read.

Wow. People who have gone through back problems/ailments, my compassion level has certainly been raised!!!

music, cookies and snow

2007-02-24T09:08:00.000-08:00

I have the making of chocolate cookies sitting on the kitchen counter...realized we are out of eggs. Dear husband has a few errands to do, so he's picking up the eggs needed. I straightened the house up and whilst I do that I listen to my favorite tunes...uh..rather loudly if one should ever knock at the door...you may need to stand on the door chime...I wont' hear the knocking. A friend of our son's is coming to clean off the driveway with his 'Bobcat'...we really need it done...it's not as though we haven't shoveled all winter...it's the fact that we need to move some large amount of snow so if we get a melt...it won't flood in our basement! Plus the snowplough that has been going down our street doesn't do a great job when it hits our driveway...we have a very large mound of snow that just about takes the bottom off regular cars....yikes. So this young fella is coming over to help out with that as well.
Quiet Saturday for the most part.

Some of the reading I have been doing....I share with you....
"our mind is busy with thoughts," says Nouwen in the Way of the Heart, while "the heart instructs us on what is. The renewing of our mind takes place through our hearts. He quotes Theophan, the recluse, who says, "To pray is to descend with the mind into the heart, and there to stand before the face of the Lord, ever present, all-seeing within you. If we allow our mind simply to listen, we perhaps begin to hear our heart speak - faintly, beneath all the clatter. It says, I am so weary, so lost. I have no energy to redeem myself. How I long for rest."
Without continuing to write out each word....the author comes to the conclusion that during certain time...you just need to open yourself to let God come to you and let your heart go home.
Thus giving you the rest you need, surrounded in His love. Resting in His love, is not applying a spiritual formula to ourselves a kind of a fix-it. It is the essence of repentance. Laying down your false self, laying down our performance...and finding that His love surrounds us, ...that He simply loves us where we are. We begin to just "be", having our identity anchored in Him.
We become ontologically substantive...I love that word..ontological. It means the study of of the nature of being or reality. Gives you a new meaning to be one with God, huh? It's not suppose to be difficult...but with all the noises of the world humming in our ears/hearts/minds....if a person can just tune that out and quiet one's self and listen.........there it is, there He is.

Post it on a LARGE bulletin board.....

2007-02-23T15:55:00.000-08:00

ONE. Give people more than they expect and

> do it cheerfully.

> TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to.

> As you get older, their conversational skills will

> be as important as any other.

> THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all

> you have or sleep all you want.

> FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.

> FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the

> person in the eye.

> SIX. Be engaged at least six months before

> you get married.

> SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

> EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People

> who don't have dreams don't have much.

> NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You

> might get hurt but it's the only way to live life

> completely.

> TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name

> calling.

> ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their

> relatives.

> TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

> THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question

> you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you

> want to know?"

> FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great

> achievements involve great risk..

> FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear

> someone sneeze.

> SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the

> lesson

> SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect

> for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for

> all your actions.

> EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure

> a great friendship.

> NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a

> mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

> TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The

> caller will hear it in your voice.

> TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

After I read these,...I thought I had to share them....wished I had been the author of such a list...your basic twelve ...uh...twenty-one step program.

here she comes again? well.....maybe

2007-02-22T15:45:00.000-08:00

So, the weather ....uh...well when from Saskatchewan ..talk about the weather anywhere, anytime and anyplace.
Today is no different considering we have a forecast snowy white. Looks like we may get a "dump" of the stuff overnight and continue on into tomorrow. Just what we need, more snow.
I don't know if our "water table" is in dire need of the stuff or not, but whatever the case maybe we sure don't want a "quick melt" to happen!! There are not enough sump pumps in Saskatoon to handle a quick melt...what am I talking about...it's gonna snow...not melt. Trying to think ahead...wrong! Let's get over this hurdle before we hit the next one.

I have been a bit...uh...overly emotional of late. I have been watching my elderly Dad fade. My arm is larger than his now, he's pale and his strength is so low....he doesn't open jars anymore, can't. He sits quietly in his chair in the living room watching t.v. or he lays down on his bed and rests/sleeps for hours. The Dr. has tried to get his iron level back to close to normal and nothing is working. I cried lots yesterday just thinking about him and his state of life. There is so much that I miss about my Dad, like his willingness to take on tasks that seemed impossible ...yet, he made doors out of an old ping pong table, he re-wired my entire dryer when we couldn't afford to buy a new one, he made me furniture that I will treasure in this life and pass on to my kids. Although, he can't do those things anymore, he still makes me feel like I'm so special to this world....his world, true. But my Dad believes in me, always has and that is something a child cherishes in their heart for a lifetime. It's been tough watching him lose strength, quietly becoming frail and weak. My dear husband reminded me this morning when I was talking about Dad and the inevitable "one day he will not be with us anymore"....my husband reminded me that we all finish life off "one day"....it's just watching the process before you that puts your heart into water and pours out your eyes, in tears.
I am not saying my Dad is "near the finish line" ....it's just the watching him fade that is difficult at the moment....I pray that in March when he has some more tests the Doctor's will find whatever it is thats making him feel this way and he will be strong enough to be treated and respond well....giving us more time. My heart is getting flooded from time to time and my eyes water because of it.....

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday.....

2007-02-20T16:35:00.000-08:00

So what does that mean? exactly......

I went searching about for a simple but clear answer...and found this:

"Lent consists of the forty days before Easter. In the western Church, we skip over the Sundays when we count the days of Lent, because Sunday is always the joyful celebration of the Resurrection. Therefore, the first day of Lent in the western Church is always a Wednesday.

Biblical societies relied very heavily on wood fires for heating and cooking, which meant that keeping ashes under control was a major housekeeping task. Then as now, if a person was preoccupied with something serious, they didn’t always tend to the housekeeping—it’s the least of their concerns. Imagine that there is a death in the family. A friend stopping by to pay their respects might gently say, “Did you know you have ashes on your face?”

So ashes became a sign of remorse, repentance, and mourning. Today someone might wear a black armband to signify that they are in mourning; back then people put ashes on their foreheads.

You can find biblical examples of this in 2 Samuel 13:19, Esther 4:1-3, Job 42:6, and Jeremiah 6:26. During Lent, ancient Christians mourned their sins and repented of them, so it was appropriate for them to show their sincerity by having ashes on their foreheads. The custom has persisted in the church as secular society has changed around us.

It is most appropriate on Ash Wednesday, when we begin a period of sober reflection, self-examination, and spiritual redirection." - Rev. K. Collins

so....there it is simple, straightforward and now YOU know, too! Just in case you were wondering....

gosh but she's sweet.....

2007-02-19T11:01:00.000-08:00

A precious little girl came over last night to spend the evening with us. Her Mommy & Daddy were enjoying the evening partaking in an "progressive dinner", I believe they call it. Anyway, they were out enjoying themselves as were we!! The barbequed chicken was a hit with all three of us at the table. Played downstairs for awhile, ...I still am amazed that Molly picks these two ragged Ann & raggedy Andy dolls to drag about. They are so old and not really adorable like some of the toys here, but those are the two favorites who watch a movie with us, who have tea parties with us and are generally included in most activities Molly participates in whilst here. I had just purchased a new very pink tea set and she must have had 10 tea parties while she was here....what a mess....but who cries over spilled milk? not me. This morning when she woke up she was sooooo cuddley. One forgets how warm and sweet those moments are until you relive them with grandkids....how precious. Grampa slipped outside and drove over to MCDonalds....what a great surprise.....wow....another tea party in the making!!
Having a grandchild is truly a blessing. She makes us laugh, keeps us young and when I hear "Gramma" my heart melts. What a beautiful gift.

girlfriend

2007-02-18T09:00:00.000-08:00

What's so hard about picking up the phone and saying "hello, how are you?". Well, in this day and age it would seem like a lot!
Life interrupts with it's ups and downs, committments and daily issues that picking up the phone, or even tapping out an e-mail to friends seems difficult if not darn near impossible. Feeling like you are interrupting their schedule, or the lack of news in your life maybe seem like WHY?...why pick up the phone, I've nothing to talk about, I've no good news to share, I'm tired.....
Well, today I got over that hurdle...and called my friend. We haven't spoken face to face in WAY to long...but hearing her pleasant voice on the other end of the line made my heart sing. She's one of the most precious gifts in my life, we pick up were we left off....talk is easy and flows smoothly. She has one of those generous, kind spirits that just bring me to a calm place listening to hear voice. She's one special gal, I am blessed to call her friend.

Laurie, God gave me a ray of sunshine when He placed you in my life....

a very wonderful quote.....

2007-02-17T18:38:00.000-08:00

Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails.

Explore. Dream. Discover.

Mark Twain 1835- 1910

Two out of four......gone

2007-02-17T18:26:00.000-08:00

So two out of four holidays are pretty much gone. I have relaxed, puttered and was very lazy indeed. My headache finally went away around four this afternoon, ah...relief.
I read. I slept. I read. It was a quiet day, a day of restoration I like to think.

Tonight, our beautiful daughter called and asked if we were going to be home, she was going out for a walk. A walk, she lives a good distance from us, but she a "walker" and enjoys getting out in the fresh air. So I put the kettle on for tea, watching for her as I read.

We had a lovely chat. I made a concentrated effort to have the front room feel calm and welcoming with fragrant candles burning and the lights just so, a perfect place to relax and enjoy her company. I love having moments like this with her. I wonder if she will ever truly understand how much I love her, how much I respect her wisdom and insights....and how truly beautiful I think she is. Tonight I reminded her of those things.

Spending time with my kids is one of those things I never, NEVER take for granted..... far too special for that. It's a gift, I enjoy each and every time the opportunity arises.

Can you tell?

2007-02-16T07:23:00.000-08:00

Okay, so on a day off one takes the time to poke about it their blog.
I have added links that I visit regularly....now it will be easy to check in the blog and pop over to see what's going on in those places that I have some interest.
Hope you take the time to check them out someday as well.

false sense of security?

2007-02-15T17:39:00.000-08:00

Quite often when I write down my thoughts here, I feel like nobody actually reads this stuff anyway.....so I babble on and on about the strange goings on in my head & heart.

Thanks Sherri for leaving a comment .....I sometimes forget I am not alone in this space all the time.

I have some time off over the next few days....told someone today that I just may not get outta my pajamas tomorrow and schlep around the house, read, eat some chocolate, and let my slippers flop along the floor all day long.....and if you believe I could actually do that, you don't know me well, but it's certainly a nice thought that will likely NEVER be put into action.....well, maybe never......

I came across this little heading today....
These chewy caramel-nut chocolate delights, which we rediscovered in several upscale coffeehouses, are based on an entry from a Pillsbury Bake-Off in the 1960's. When we don't have times to make our own caramel sauce, we like to us a Butterscotch Caramel Topping.

Now really do you not think I was completely hooked.....oh, my....
Carmelitas....
2 cups quick cooking rolled oats
2 cups flour
1 1/2 cups packed light brown sugar
1 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt
1 cup butter, melted
10 ounces chocolate or 1 1/2 cups chocolate chips
1 cup pecans or walnuts, lightly toasted and coarsely chopped
1 cup caramel sauce.

Preheat oven at 350.
Grease bottom of 13x9 pan.
Combine the oats, flour, brown sugar, baking soda and salt. Stir to mix well.
Add the butter, mix until well blended.
Distribute 1/2 the mixture into prepared pan. Press lightly with fingertips.
Bake for 10 minutes.
Remove pan from oven, sprinkle the chopped chocolate (chips) and toasted nuts evenly over the crust, then drizzle the caramel sauce.
Distribute the remaining oat mixture over the top and press gently with fingertips.
Return pan to over for about 25 minutes or until golden brown on top.

now, how's your saliva doing????....oh...wow...all that is needed is a fresh cup of coffee to go with this little yummy.

in need of a holiday.....

2007-02-14T15:49:00.000-08:00

You know you are in need of a holiday when:
- your thoughts are becoming very negative.
-you have a rash on your face and it's nerves....nice!
-you have not had a good hair day in weeks.
-your heart is doing a little "running" away on you.
-you can't seem to get warm.
-knowing you are crawling outta bed in the morning, instead of jumping out...like you usually do.
-the pile of books you planned to read....are collecting dust!!!!
-dinner out is planned and you are not excited to go.
-a headache continues after two days.
-little noises make you jump.
- and last but not least......you laughed out loud at the balloons that were meant to be heart shaped, but were hung upside down and you thought they looked like a set of boobs!

Yessiree, it's time for a holiday.....

Happy Valentines Day

2007-02-14T04:21:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentines Day!!
Today is the day one is to share a gift of love with the ones that they love. So the florists are busy, the chocolates flow outta the stores and jewelry outlets are jam packed, places that we love to frequent when dining out are full. Yep, today's the day we go broke.

I don't mean to be a wet blanket on this special day, but come on....it's a marketing ploy and we all know it. For the most part we all fall into it. Now that I have got that little rant off my chest.
I do have a couple of sweethearts to talk about........well, first and foremost Molly, of course. Brooke, my daughter without a doubt, a sweeter heart one cannot find. But, I speak of two little hearts that found there way into the world on Sunday. My niece gave birth, so I am now a GREAT AUNT...go figure. The TWINS, are boys. Pretty good size 4lb.10 oz and 4lb. 11oz. They don't have names as yet but they are handsome and precious....now that is something to call the florist about....yep. A couple of new little sweethearts in the world.

"just talking about it"

2007-02-12T17:13:00.000-08:00

Really, I am just talking about it.
Really?
Why? Does it concern you?
Uh...no.
Does it involve you?
uh...well...no.
By the way you are talking, you are upset over what "THEY" are doing?
Well, because it's not right.
Really, is it your job to make decisions for "them"?
Give me a break? I was only talking about it......
Really.

Just because someone does something that doesn't meet with your approval, you are going to "just talk about it" to whomever?
There are laws in place to guide us, but their is no law against poking our noses into places that we are not invited.
It's not idle chit-chat....it's gossip.
It's not prattle....it's causes division.
It's not just babble....it's hurtful, spiteful and malicious.

God help us from spreading gossip..help us to become united, and find the true meaning of unconditional love in the many layers and forms it can be found.

crossing the line....

2007-02-10T19:03:00.000-08:00

It's all about crossing the line.
Knowing when to walk away, having the "KNOWING" that it time to leave.

We stopped for an appetizer and a few drinks, cranberry juice and ginger ale....oh, I love it, on Friday evening with some friends. I enjoyed our time together, it was nice to relax, eat some really great food and laugh. It's all good until the dreaded time to go home, I have come across as the nasty wife before and there are only a few ways of saying.... uh...no we are going home, NOW...especially when there is ONE person in the crowd who pushes all the buttons and makes me come across like a grumpy, controlling wife. Or, at least I feel that way when driven to the point of defending myself when the husband would love to sit a little longer and linger. I have lingered long enough, worked a full day, have a full tummy and enjoyed some friendship....my time is up....it time to go home. Why. Why I ask does there have to be one in the crowd who wants to linger and drag MY husband with him. The husband, looks at me like I am making the decision here....yeash. Come on....lend me a hand here....we have been here long enough!! I have sat through "just one more" .....three times....now it's time to go home and enjoy the rest of the evening in peace.
You know the funny part about all this is. I actually understand the stress that some people are under and I view them with "open" eyes...that their way of relief from the week is to sit and relax and share laughter with buddies, enjoying a few "wobby pops". I have no problem with that. It's when it's time to go and .....oh, boy.....it becomes a moment. A little tug-a-war goes on. I am a person of "cut and dried", black and white, very little gray in my life....but there is some. But when it comes to certain decisions ....they are MADE and ACTION is taken. This is one of those situations, time to go...therefore, the coat goes on and "good-nights" are spoken. All good.

Life is about balance, right. I am learning to balance ....the fact that this is a learning curve for both parties....we are learning to find a boundary whereas both parties are happy.....always learning!!

a note.....the illness within the family is looking better and we trust that we will find complete and full restoration in all matters! Amen. (my sincere and grateful thanks to all who prayed)

a Mom moment.....
I was at my son's place of work today, I thought it best to at least say "hello" cause he would KNOW that I had been there....so, I stopped at his desk. He had a customer on the other side of the desk but....I interrupted and quickly said "I just dropped by to say hello to a very handsome young man" and I snuck a kiss onto his cheek. My son smiled politely, indulgently.

No matter what happens in this life, my family will know that I love them, PUBLICLY...if necessary! yeah, it was a MOM moment.

what day is it?

2007-02-08T04:26:00.000-08:00

I was not at work Monday and Tuesday. Stuff happening within the family and I felt I was needed more at home than at work. Family first, always.

Went back to work yesterday (Wednesday) and did not feel like myself whatsoever. Not only overly tired, but grumpy added to it, lovely...just lovely. I did make my co-worker laugh till she had tears coming down her cheeks...so the day was not a complete surreal loss....there was ONE real moment.

Thank you Lord, for real moments.

hinged on a word.....

2007-02-04T09:59:00.000-08:00

I love the use of words.
Define. Expression. You understand people by their verbalizing the proper word, we can "visualize" pictures, we comprehend because someone has made themselves very clear and precise because of the words they use. I, totally, get that.

I have a lovely friend who pauses in her sentences to chose the right word, to give the best possible "picture" or understanding that she can to get me on board her thinking. It brings a crinkle to my eyes (no not cause I'm old, silly) but she wants desperately to have me on the same pathway of thought that she is....it makes me smile because she so clearly wants me on her wave length of thinking.

I have often brought out my thesaurus to retrieve a word or two ....to try to make myself clearer and understood better or at least I think I am trying to do that.

What brought about these thoughts of mine, you ask?
A few months back, I pondered (yeah, right word) why we are called Christians. You know those of us who believe in Jesus Christ, the resurrection and the love that God had for us to let His Son come to earth to save my sorry hide. (maybe not so great a word, but it's my hide I speak of not yours)....I think I prefer the word "Believer" or "Follower". Just my thoughts at the moment, I also think about "the Way" as a life style choice, I also think about all the symbolism we have created since He walked the earth - mostly to train our thoughts to think on Him (ie: wearing a Cross, doesn't make be a good Christian....for me it's a reminder of who He was ....and who I should be because of Him) ....my thoughts are bouncing around words, symbols and all kinds of thought provoking things.

I had no one to vent them upon, so hey.....here I blog my thoughts.....you just got to listen (uh, read) them.

once again, just a few thoughts floating about in my head.......I know that I have much more to say on the subject....but the thoughts bounce around and my fingers have duties to perform other than typing....so I go to do dishes and let the thoughts bounce.....

thoughts of friends

2007-02-02T16:06:00.000-08:00

Shall I give up the friend I have valued and tried if he kneel not before th same altar with me?
-Thomas Moore

He that is thy friend indeed,
He will help thee in thy need;
If thou sorrow, he will weep,
If thou wake, he cannot sleep;
Thus of every grief in heart,
He with thee doth bear a part,
These are certain signs to know
Faithful friend from flattering foe.
- William Shakespeare

The only reward of virtue is virtue; the only way to have a friend is to be one.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him, I may think aloud.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

So what are the qualities that you find in your friends? I mean friends, not just acquaintances or those family members you love and cherish....the people outside of your family. (Not that your family cannot be your friends!!!)....have you found true friends in the workplace, friends inside the church, friends from school that have remained in touch over the years.
What makes you a good friend?
I find it so interesting to sit back and think about the different people I call my friends. Yet, when push came to shove and I really needed someone to talk with......who would be the person I would chose to speak with? Who would be the person I would call on for assistance? are they one in the same?
My best friend is my husband, of that I have no doubt! But sometimes I need my female friends to chat with, giggle with, listen to me rant and rave, give me a hug...or just drop in for a moment to say hello, to cheer me on, to listen to my sadness and cry with me.

Friends.
Yes, friends ....one of life's greatest treasures.

can't sleep....

2007-01-29T00:49:00.000-08:00

so, it's like three in the morning....and I can't sleep.
I floated about in the internet , doing some searching and trying to inform myself on a few things.
but...the brain is a little fuzzy and my heart is worried.

An illness keeps me awake, it's not mine.

My concerns, my worries, my head trying to think things through trying to make sense of something I have no control over, whatsoever....but, I keep trying to put into some kind of assembly so I can sleep and let this 'mind-wandering' go.

In truth, I am not one to sit up nights and "stew" about things. I generally hit the pillow and am out for the night, not even getting up to go to the bathroom....and at my age ,,...I believe that to be "sumpthin'. But, apparently, I cannot control my head once it starts to spin and whirl looking for answers, but only coming up with more questions!

I shall poke about the internet some more and then trust that when my head returns to it's original position on my pillow, I will be content enough to enter dreamland once again. The melodious sound of hubby's rumblings (snoring) should put me either back into R.E.M. sleep or put me back in front of the computer.....

it's the weekend......

2007-01-27T06:52:00.000-08:00

When I finished work yesterday I got home as quickly as I could. Molly was going to be here for the evening. I was pumped.
Molly's Mom and Dad had a "date". Molly was going to hang out with the Gramma for the evening.
The evening started out good, except I did not know what to make for dinner and what I did make Molly did not like. She's not a fussy eater by any stretch, she just doesn't like perogies....I forgot.
We had to readjust some thinking in that dept. but by the end of it...she was filled with some good things and happy. I introduced her to Paddington Bear, the video. In my imagination he was a lot cuter than this video portrayed him as....hmmm. She thought he was cute, but the story was not note worthy. We went downstairs and played in her fort, had some fun down there and then came up stairs to make some cookies. Auntie Tess dropped by, what a beautiful girl...both inside and out. I gave Molly her bath, she knows the routine around here and where everything is...so other than running the tub she had it all ready to go. After climbing into her pj's ....there was a knock at the door....a policewoman standing on the other side of the window. Nice. It was a friend of mine, who happens to be a police officer and she works this district.
She's a wonderful young woman, with a ready smile and to be honest sleep comes easier knowing she is close by. We did not get a chance to say much more than hello, but hopefully, she will ring our doorbell again and come in for her break. Molly's introduction to the police force will be a friendly and happy one, as it should be, because of Cst. T.
It was a nice evening.
This morning started off with a great cup of Costa Rica coffee, yeah, my sister-in-law tucked in a fresh pack of it when we left their place at Christmas. She buys it by the case and has it shipped to Canada for their enjoyment.......and now ours, too!
...the weekend,.....time to do just relax and be. ah.

prickly, pokey, accepting, or critical.....?

2007-01-25T05:03:00.000-08:00

It's odd the things I notice.....
People during conversation.
Responses can be slow in coming, fast in retort, simple and quaint or simple and rude, always negative or mostly positive, always agreeable or forever critical....so many options...depending on the day, the mood of the person, my mood of course, and does the moon have something to do with the actual lunacy that seems to pop outta people...just because the moon is full or what?

What's the old saying "give a person an inch and they will take a mile".....

Where is common courtesy....what happened to it?

Speaking in a condescending manner does not win you over to people.

Laughing should not be hindered.....someone told me something funny in a public place and what the heck ....I laughed out loud....he "shushed" me. Why, I wonder....did I laugh too loud? I don't think so...was it bothersome to know that he made me laugh? Did it disturb people to hear a joyful laugh?

Simple things.....that seem to be missing daily in life. Laughter and common sense.

my elusive dreams....

2007-01-23T15:50:00.000-08:00

Sunday night...well, actually more like Sunday morning...it was 3:30 am and I am wide awake looking at the ceiling. I have a dentist appointment for 8 o'clock Monday morning and I figure I'm in for an extraction of a wisdom tooth that the dentist has been watching for a LONG time. The tooth finally erupted from the gum over the holidays enough for me to notice it even had a little cavity....I KNEW I was in for the needle and the pliers. I could not sleep thinking about the very disturbing event that was to come. I trust my dentist but having an tooth extracted is just not anywhere near a happy thought....yeash. So with my heart pounding in my chest, I make my way to the dentist chair...only to find out through the x-ray that the wisdom tooth is VERY healthy indeed but it's also moved and taken the place of a molar that was removed when I was a kid.
The dentist filled the little cavity, no freezing needed!! yes folks, no freezing..it was that small a cavity! and he said it is perfectly aligned with my other teeth so we are good to go. Do you have any idea what a relief that was......see miracles still happen in everyday life!!

Today, I trundled to see my Doctor....oh yeah, why not get it all done in one fell swoop. So I get into see her because I have had this freakin' rash that has driven me nuts for two weeks and I have been using tea tree oil to soothe it...but the smell is about to put my husband over the edge! plus it wasn't helping that much anyway. The Doctor tells me ...no big deal, it's a rash that will over due course run it's time and I'll be fine in about six weeks, it's not contagious...but it's something viral working it's way "out" of my skin.....could be caused by a lot of different things....but she knows for sure she can't give me anything for it and no one else is goin' to get it from me. Nice. I gotta admit - I'm glad it's not summer outside cause wearing a tank top with this mess....would not be pretty....no no...not.

Life.....just keep walking.

Gloria, inspired me to read more than one book at a time....so now I am reading two...I'm pretty sure that's my limit...confusion would abound if any more were added to the read now list.
The two titles are .....oh, yeah...get this for diverse.....
Angels and Demons by Dan Brown
Lost Women of the Bible by Carolyn Custis James

it's about the adventure.....

an adventure around every corner.....

2007-01-19T17:12:00.000-08:00

Molly came over the other night. We had loads of fun, building a huge fort....eating french fries, reading funny books together and laughing at silly Grampa! Her buddies and babies are all put to sleep before she leaves, this time inside the fort....cause at Gramma's house the fort doesn't have to come down anytime soon. It is left up downstairs for the next time she comes over.
We packed up all her stuff she had brought with her and proceeded to get dressed up like it was -40. After we each had on enough winterwear to walk to Regina...we tried the front door. No go. The door knob was seized. Tight, no movement....nada...nothing. We attempted to take the door knob apart, even little Molly used her screwdriver inside the dead doorknob.....to no avail. Finally, after much sweating...we decided to head out the back door. Now, one must realize we just went through a huge blizzard and ....yep, we did not shovel the entire walk in the backyard, as yet...WHY?? Well, part of the reasoning was to keep Daisydog corralled in when she comes to visit....maybe part was laziness ....whatever the reason it was a TRUDGE to get to the fence. Brett jumped the six foot fence ....yeah, not bad for a old fella, huh!? I handed Molly over the fence to him and he proceeded to the vehicle to get Molly settled. Uh,....oh, ya...that left me to jump the fence and yes, I made it. (okay, I stepped on a big block of ice that was near...but hey I got over the fence without damage to any body parts!!) We took Molly home, singing the whole way....her response "this is so much fun, guys!". oh Molly, hanging with the Gramma and Grampa is always an adventure!! When we got home and back in the house we pulled and snapped and yes, swore a couple of times at the doorknob....finally...finally it let loose. We now have a lovely, VERY EXPENSIVE, new door knob on our front door....and lo and behold it works like a charm....ah....on to the next adventure.

Spicy isn't always a good thing......

2007-01-16T15:51:00.000-08:00

So, if variety is the spice of life.
Then the place of work must be the entire spice rack...with some extras thrown in for good measure.
Adding spice to something generally livens it up, gives it color and enhances the flavor. Uh....okay,
something tells me there are some of us who don't have a lot of spice in our work places. Should you be the spice there....somebody's gonna be allergic, somebody's gonna make a face...somebody's gonna talk about the dish when finished cause you gave it a whole new 'flavor'. Not all spices should be mixed together....oh, boy...I am not gonna even go there. But, I find it so interesting the dynamics of a work place and who you can relate it to the spice rack.....given enough time I could bore you to tears with all my similarities. But, I think you get my drift. Today, my day felt quite a bit like rice pilaf.....you figure it out!!

Outside the workplace, life has taken on some strange curves for me. My parents are getting older and my Dad is fading from this life, slowly. Don't get me wrong he is not ill, just losing interest quickly, strength rapidly and concentration is minimal. The idea of having to "do" a task of say, going for groceries is huge for him. Being with more than two people in a room causes his concentration to go haywire, it makes "his head spin". I get very emotional thinking that one day my Dad won't be on earth anymore, it's a tough thought....cause there is a man who loves me unconditionally....always has, always will....that's my Dad. I'm "his girl". uh...I think I gotta quit here....on to something else .....
We have had some illness in the family and that weighs one down as well.....worry....no wonder I color my hair!!! oh...okay....something a little more upbeat here, ......

Tonight we are finishing the shoveling from the blizzard, our back sidewalk is impassable. I had a little difficulty getting the back door open.....I squeezed through by holding my breathe and making my self REAL tall....grabbed a shovel and scooped out enough to make sure the dryer vent was okay....and the backdoor could be opened easily.

The really upbeat stuff, my husband is making dinner and it's smells Wonderful. Chicken stir fry with basmati rice.....my saliva is doing a little dance....HELLO!!! gotta go now, folks.

Stay warm and God bless.........

never seen before.....in the history of ...well..ME

2007-01-14T07:35:00.000-08:00

I finally made it to the hairstylist. It's been five months, in many way that may not seem like much time to many of you, but I was trying to grow my hair a little longer...so no visits to the scissor lady. I really like my stylist, she listens, suggests and then snips away....she also knew I would not be seeing her for awhile due to my wanting to grow out this mop of top of me head.
The trouble with growing one's hair "out"..is it becomes unmanageable at some point and the scissors in my own drawer call me to do something drastic.....I held off, stood firm...okay except for those couple of times when my bangs were like sitting on my chin (not really, but I did give those a bit of a trim now and then). I have even snipped off a strand of errant hair, "T" my stylist would just look at me in the mirror as she finds my handiwork and give me a little glare followed by a grin and a quick shake of her head. What are ya goin' ta do? The stuff doesn't "do" what is suppose to for days....off it comes. So as you visualize all this, know that I have a healthy head of hair....lots of curls and a snippet or two taken out will NOT show up quickly.
I waited until after the Christmas rush to get into to see her, imagine my dismay when she was away on holiday for over two weeks. Now what? I could book with another of the stylists in the shoppe.....uh.....oh...uh....uh.....but, I.....OKAY! I'll do it. This "new" young lady did a fabulous job! So, now when I need to get the hair appointment in again, I can have a choice.....who knew one could get so lucky? She even suggested "straightening my curling locks with a flat iron". A what you say? (actually that was me....saying that) I went for it. The stylist figured if I did not like it....well, there's water in the tap and we could begin anew. It only took her a few minutes,
wow...she's good with that wicked looking thing. You cannot imagine my shock when I looked in the mirror....who was this woman with the sleek, shiny....straight hair. What a difference, what a transformation......I love it! I hugged that young lady for putting her magic "wand" to work and gave me a look I had never dreamed of seeing. Pleased doesn't quit cover it. She told me if I ever wanted her to do this again, it would take less than an hour for the wash and style.
No curls, just sleek flowing locks....can you believe it? I still look in the mirror and am shocked.
IN a very good way, but still "gape" would be a word I might use here.
I gotta tell ya, when I walked into the house and my husband viewed my new do....he was much impressed!! It's fun to do something new like this, I dunno if I would do it often to my hair, but it sure opened up a door that was firmly planted closed before. Just imagine.

let the bells ring out and the banners fly......

2007-01-13T16:00:00.000-08:00

Tonight is New Year's Eve for those folks who do not go by the Gregorian calendar. So those folks who celebrate by the Julian calendar are in for some good eats, lots of music and such!
WE are celebrating with some folks, eating the perogies, cabbage rolls, sausage....oh, best be wearing "stretch" type pants, me thinks. We shall be listening to the banjo, accordian, lots of guitar and then at 12 midnight shoutin' out to the masses a Happy New Year (once again....ah, well).

26 years ago tonight, I was in labor with our son. Had we watched the year go by with the Julian calendar....our boy would have been the NEW YEARS babe of 1981!! But, as it is...he has a fun night nontheless.

I found myself spending some fun time with Molly today. Her Mommy made a quick trip out of the house and I watched over our grand-daughter. We laughed, played hide and seek and generally had a fun couple a hours. She is growing far too quickly....these days are precious.
It's funny to watch her when she has a cookie and doesn't want to quite finish it yet....she knows that she has to put it up high so puppy doesn't get it and munch it down! She looked in a dish she had accidently left in her "tent" and Daisy had found it first....inhaling a piece of Molly's banana bread. Molly looked in the tent and "oh...no...Daisy" was all she said. I giggled...what else are ya gonna do? No wonder Daisy follows Molly everywhere....there is a chance of a nibble of cookie, or banana bread...or maybe if she's lucky a small piece of sandwich leftover. Daisy loves Molly, chases her down the hall and generally is a great companion...she's also part vacuum ...not bad thing when clean up duty is called in to play!!!

Snow....snow...snow....we still need to finish shovelling snow. The backyard is incredible...I sure hope we don't get a quick melt in Spring....could be ugly! Think ARK. By the way, did you know there were two ARKs in the Bible? I leave you to ponder that one.....

looks can be deceiving.....

2007-01-11T15:39:00.000-08:00

It's like looking at a postcard. really.
The view from each of our windows is amazing. It reminds me of postcards I have seen, each scene pretty and lovely in it's own way.
Until....you poke your nose outside the front/back door and the blast of freezing cold air hits you a smacker in the face. Not so pretty and lovely, I tell ya. I only ventured outside once today and that was to dump some garbage in it's container....the door squealed and yelped as I opened it, the container crackled and snapped as I pushed open it's lid....I, twinkle toes, danced over a few large mounds of snow....I'm sure I heard my neighbor laugh as I did so...but,
yikes...that is snappin' freezing air out there. The neighbor was out shoveling the snow, it was packed down so hard that it was coming out in blocks not nice shovel-fulls. Igloo's.....hmmmm.

Today, I cleaned the house ....put away all kinds of junk, throw out all kinds of other junk and made up a pile of stuff to recycle....so, today was not a wasted "snow" day....very productive I must say.

Our neighbor on the other side of us...owns a snowblower. He was using it this afternoon to clear his driveway....the snow "blower" must have been faced towards our house for a time...as it seemed as thought the storm had begun again.....bang, splatter and the pitter patter of pelts hitting the side of the house gave me pause. ...it did not last long, he must have realized he was 'smokin' little snow pelts at the house as it quit as quickly as it started. I wonder if he would like some homemade cookies or cash to help out a neighbor and clear out our driveway?.....maybe we will ask....will see.

Good luck to those who have yet to shovel....it's hard work and tough sluggin'. So take it slow....unless you have a neighbor who has a snowblower and likes homemade cookies!!!!

it's not the DAIRY QUEEN kind.....

2007-01-10T13:49:00.000-08:00

We are in the middle of a blizzard.
Wow.
I was at work until a little after two o'clock today. Then my co-worker offered to give me a lift home when we were to be closed down due to blizzard conditions. The trip home was an adventure, a safe one...but still an adventure. Complete white outs from time to time, could not see the car in front of us....tail lights ....nothing! They dropped me off at the end of my street and I walked a little over a block. I stumbled, fell and plunged into snow drifts that were thigh high, I huffed and I puffed because the wind was knocking MY wind outta me. Tears were flowing down my cheeks, ice formed on my face and when I finally entired the front door to our home I was completely covered in WHITE. I was so happy to be home...safe and sound. I was out of breathe, somewhat exhausted, a little chilled....but none the less....I was home were the furnace was blowing warm air and the cold was gonna remain on the outside of the walls.
I have a couple of DVD's to watch, some good books that can certainly be fallen into.....there is hot chocolate in the cupboard and my husband is already making dinner.... yup, we can bunker in for the night.
I am sure we will hear all kinds of stories tomorrow at work of how the blizzard altered peoples day....should be an interesting one....but that is for tomorrow.....tonight, I will relax and simply enjoy a quiet night at home.
I hope you are home, safe and sound, warm and cozy!

Omigosh.....

2007-01-06T15:56:00.000-08:00

Oh...omigosh....
oh...omigosh.....
it's snowing and it's fantastic.....I think all throughout the Christmas season I was missing "winter"...and boom, here it is....ah...

I have a new author that I am checking out tonight, should be an interesting read by all the reviews (actually I take little if any notice of reviews as I like to form my own opinion...but
it's like talking about the book..somebody is gonna love it and somebody ain't).
I also, have in my possession the DVD "Pirates of the Caribbean - dead man's chest"....hubby is at the hockey game - a place he loves to be. A MOI....oh, yeah....I have the evening of flannel pajamas....a good book and a interesing DVD to watch.....oh man....oh...man.....ahhhhh.

Let it snow...let it snow...let it snow....

in the still of the night.....

2007-01-05T15:05:00.000-08:00

I look forward to a very quiet evening.

I looked after Molly E. today, we had a grand ole time of it. Went for a nice, crisp walk this morning over to the Mall so we could get her a "sippy" cup....as she tends to put her little hands into wide mouth cups....go figure....life is just a lot easier with the no-spill sippy cups and a lot less mess. Lunch was shared with her handsome Uncle, and her snack time also included a visit from Grampa....she got in lots of smiles, tons of giggles and more than enough hugs to last her until next time we see her.

Brett is home tomorrow and I am sure he will have the laundry completed, the vacuuming done and the floors washed,....oh...the bathrooms cleaned to spic and span. Right.....pinch yourself ...your dreamin'. The home cleaning is always done by yours truly, he on the other hand is a great cook....he attempts to make dishes that I would NEVER even give a shot to....and he's really good at them. He also does dishes!!! so, it's about balance, right. There may be a little dust laying about...but I am treated to a wonderful home-cooked meal more often than not. So, the dust can sit until I get to it....sooner or later....well, maybe this evening as you see...I ...uh...can't stand to relax unless the place is tidy and in order....yeah, well thats me!!
Surprised....NOT!!!

I have a paperback picked out, my pj's are clean.....the house is actually vacuumed because Molly and I took down the Nativity scene today together....she has all the figures down pat. Mary, Joseph, each wise man and what is the gift they hold...(she has a bit of a time saying frankincense on the first go 'round....)but she knows the shepherd boy as well as each of the animals....and to be sure we always begin with baby Jesus. Not bad for a two year old, huh?

Okay, I am heading into supper, so adieu....for now....hope you too have a relaxing evening ahead.

don't look now......thump...

2007-01-01T13:46:00.000-08:00

I have never before said these words...."I'm glad it's over" when I am talking about the Christmas season. But this 2006 Christmas was one I am not soon to forget and in truth I am glad it's over!! Just like all things ....good, bad or ugly....they come to pass and when they are "past" it's much easier looking back than walking "through".

We brought in the new year with some friends up at their cabin. When we left the city I was in a ball of knots, fell asleep about one kilometre away from our house and slept for approx. 45 minutes solid. My poor old body must have to shut down awhile to recuperate and then move on to dealing with the stress. So, after having a much needed "nap" and then staring out the window of our vehicle for 30 minutes I could actually feel the tension leaving my shoulders and neck. slowly. Over the next 48 hours we grazed....yep, grazed.....if we were not at the table eating then we had snacks in front of us .....I feel like a bloated cow at the moment....too many calories, too many carbs.....tooo many...too much....and like a dunce I nibbled and tasted my way through the entire contents. yeash. Whoever invented elastic waistbands and sweatpants....well, God bless 'em. We did get a small amount of exercise, other than the walk to and from the fridge, I mean.....we did go for a nice long hike along the lake edge and along a "bush" track. So, incredible. The walk along the lake edge was funny because as you walked the snow would sometimes sink underfoot, not the ice...the snow. It made for a lot of giggles for me....but then I am amused by simple things sometimes....okay, most times. Anyway, I laughed out loud a few times cause I couldn't contain myself...it was just a moment in time, but for me walking on water and sinking every now and then....just hit me funny. No one else thought it amusing but your truly....yeah, well go figure. I knew there was approx. 18 inches of ice beneath the snow, (our neighbor was a Park Conversation officer and he told us) so I guess there was comfort in the fact that I wasn't going to break through the ice...but the snow just kept letting go ....I suppose you had to be there....but I loved it. The sound of my own feet crunching along the hardened snow, the sparkles EVERYWHERE, the smell of wood burning fireplaces, distant sounds of snowmobiles, the laughter of small kids on sleighs.....yep, it was a moment and you had to be there.....I loved it.....it was a gift for my spirit and I wrapped myself up in the moment of it. ah....peace.

Now back to the routine of life. It's amazing though when you are given a "gift" of beauty and laughter how your soul can reap the benefits so rapidly and feel renewed. Ending 2006 with laughter, relaxation and calmness was a gift and I am thankful. The stress of life, the commotion of living keeps us on a fast track, but there are special moments when the track is given a stop/break/pause and we are shown a gift of love and precious sight that one cannot buy or purchase.....God presents them to us, we just need to stop, view them and digest them.
Gift comes in all shapes and sizes, the best ones are generally free, the most precious ones are always from God.....I just needed the time to stop and witness them.

From my home to yours...."may you witness some of God's precious gifts each day of 2007"

Do not blame it on menopause.......

2006-12-27T16:29:00.000-08:00

My world has never been perfect. I am so very aware of that. I, however, try my level best to deal with each and every situation as it arises...but lately, ......well, I know a saying that goes a little like this "God never gives you more burdens that you can bear"....at least it goes something like that. I gotta tell ya. Lately. Wowzer. I am feeling a little weak in the knees. So much is happening to family members around me and I have little if any influence on outcome.
Trying to find a place of quiet, balance and calm is integral to my well being, or at least I always thought it was....but lately I seem to be floating on some sort of ship that doesn't seem to be heading towards a port of quiet and calm. If I extracted only the surface parts of Christmas I could make it sound real nice....but the meat of the matter is ...it was a very "different" Christmas season. My kids were not with us, my Mom and Dad were discontent, and the spirit of Christmas that seems to float in the air and I breathe it in and actually feel different due to the wonderful feeling that to me is Christmas was not to be had. I feel like I kinda missed Christmas. Don't get me wrong, my brother and his wife, were great hosts. They planned lovely meals, drove us to shopping spots that I had never heard of, shared their home and hearth with us and happily so. It was just strange to be away from our own home, away from our kids, away from the traditions that we have put together to make Christmas a special and meaningful time for us. There was an anxiety hanging about, a restlessness of spirit that just would not go away. My Dad had an "episode" whilst were at my brothers....poor Dad, we were not sure if we should call 911 or not....turned out the "episode" passed and he recovered but it certainly threw my brother and I for a loop.....as we were the only two to be eye witness to it. yeash....that was Christmas morning. Did I mention that it was a strange and different Christmas......so many things happened that I know I had little if any control over.....but it was the lack of tradition that mostly had me in a flutter, I believe. Not in our own home, none of my kids around me, no church service on Christmas eve, ah....so many things. I have my feet so deeply embedded tradition and the familiar that once I am pulled out of it....I feel like a turkey that someone threw from an airplane and said ....now fly! Try as I might, I am just not made up that way. Next year. ...yep, you got it.....staying home.

I hope each of you who have wandered in to patiently read my chatter have a wonderful 2007 and you find peace, contentment and love in abundance over the next twelve months!!

Stay tuned......

it is better to give than receive......

2006-12-22T09:25:00.000-08:00

So, I have a bit of a issue....apparently I am not very good at receiving "Thanks".
I love to give out little surprises....like unexpected things...little stuff, uh....like chocolates or an unexpected little "thanks" gift. I tend to leave then behind, without letting anyone know that I have dropped them off, my name is always under the "from" indentation....so it's not anonymous...maybe it should be. One item was a fun little mug with a top on it to keep her coffee/tea warm....the color reminded me of my friends pretty blue eyes. She came to offer her thanks, and I replied with a "your welcome" and it should have ended right there. But, .....okay...I'm not good at extending the moment. She laughed out loud, when I exclaimed "I am not so good at the thanks part of gift giving"...okay she replied....well, then .."what are you up to tonight?"...end of odd feeling moment. She understood completely were I was coming from, for some reason.
I mean it's okay to slip in a "thanks"....and I appreciate that. But, I tend to be rather self conscious of people walking by, of feeling in the spot light, do you understand of which I speak here, folks? I'm thinking anonymous just might have to be the way to go......or maybe therapy. Good grief.

I wonder if Santa has the same sort of feeling, as he comes in whilst everyone is sleeping and leaves the presents/ fills the stockings ....never having to deal with face to face thankful people.....maybe he's got something there.....hmmm.

As we will be doing a lot of meet and greet, laughing with family, sharing with friends over the next while....I am going to make my Christmas greeting to each of you today.

"May the Lord open your hearts and minds to the true meaning of Christmas a little more this year. May you find more than a moment to give thanks that a Savior was born. I pray you notice your blessings and give thanks for them, not just assume they will always be there....your family, friends, loved ones, warm home, food on your table, the fact that we can give because we have plenty bestowed upon us.
Merry Christmas.....enjoy and give thanks.
Happy New Year.....may God's love surround you, His peace flow through you and His joy be seen by other's who don't know Him but can "see" Him through YOU.

to sleep would be best, I just can't afford the rest.....

2006-12-18T15:54:00.000-08:00

Garth Brook's words above.....well, it's basically how I feel tonight.

Tired, but so much to do...can't afford the rest. Dates have been made with friends, things need to be done and cannot be put off any longer. Good grief, does that mean that I have to get to Wal-Mart tonight....ew..I think it does. I pretty much need a "pill" before I head into that puzzle factory.....so many people, shoppers with no manners, people talking at each aisle end, stuff ready to fall over....me included. Just get over it and get on with it...right. RIGHT. okay, I will. (ew....)

Tonight, my husband left a message on our machine....he will be bringing home dinner.
Omigosh, how I love that man. He is in the kitchen making bacon, eggs and hash browns in his pajamas....nice visual,huh? Dinner or breakfast...doesn't really matter it's food and I am not making it....are you with me on this one??

I have not found my Christmas "spirit" as yet...usually about this time, just before Christmas, I get a really wonderful, blessed, "spirit of kindness & goodness" fall over me.....I hope it comes soon.....I miss that. Maybe once I do some shopping and hand out some "surprises" it will come. I await patiently.

Did I mention that I have an addiction. Well, not a true addiction, but a craving that comes over me regularly. Since the Spring of this year I have been freezing fresh orange juice into popsicles...usually under the statement "They are for Molly!"...ha, that's a joke.....I eat 'em up....gobble would be a better word. I do share if I know Ms. Molly will be here, but I go through them like wildfire. I love 'em...it's my way of getting vitamin C....yeah, like you believe that one. I like the flavor, I like the texture and I love the taste. I haven't had any orange juice in the house all weekend, all I can think about it getting to Wal-Mart and getting me some. ....Yep, that is first on the list of thing to purchase. How bad is that? yeash......get a life, girl!!

Hope you find some time to feel the "spirit of goodness & kindness" in your life over the next week or so....till next time,

Wow....it's been 24 hours....what kinda whirlwind was that?

2006-12-16T10:42:00.000-08:00

So, heading for the land of nod when the phone rings and it's my son in law. To remove a lot of details that don't need to be told....our daughter, his wife took a trip to the hospital last night and they found the problem...it's one that is solved fairly easily and with some pills. Thanks be to God. But it was quite a night and she has never dealt with such horrific pain.

The snow and wind have brought about a day of rest.....much needed I believe for a lot of us. Molly is here with me today, as our daughter and her hubby need to have some rest and recuperate. Daisy the dog makes me laugh....she flat out gallops down the hallway and her little paws sound so cute....she doesn't want to miss out on anything and is very curious about each nook and corner of the house....next time she comes I won't vacuum before she gets here!! She is a lovely little puppy, when she comes in from outside she has a complete white beard....and snow all over her tiny paws....really quite adorable!

Well, Molly is sleeping and Gramma needs to just relax a little bit, two hours sleep in a night just doesn't work for these old bones.

O' the weather outside is frightful,
but the fire is so delightful,
and since we no place to go.....let it snow...let it snow..let it snow.

Molly asked if we were gonna make snow globes again....we are living in one today no need to make a fake one!!

day is done......

2006-12-15T18:36:00.000-08:00

When I awoke this morning, I wondered if I could actually crawl out from under the warm, fuzzy, cozy blankets I was cocooned in. Today was the day of the funeral.

The morning passed in a blur, trying to remain focused on what needed to be done and not on my emotional rollercoaster I seemed to have been riding lately. The funeral was an amazing one, full of celebration of Stew's life and loves, his humor, and his commitment to family & work. It's really just hard to believe he his gone from the earth and his memory is what is left....truth be know...he made a lot of memories! Memories that his family will lean on and cherish for years to come.

Coming home we found our daughter and grand-daughter walking in our door.
Our girl's back has been horribly painful over the past week or so and she was going to get looked at by a chiropractor as well as a Doc. The chiro treatment did nothing for her and the Dr. prescribed some major pain killers, poor girl....I hope she can get some much needed rest. I have never dealt with a wicked back problem but watching her gives me a furrow between my brows....my worry for her is great. Please add her to your prayers if you would, thank you. Ms. Molly and I spent a little over two hours together, I figured we needed something "time consuming" to do...so we built a gingerbread house. Wow. ...for a two year old child she has some great dexterity going on. She really did a fantastic job of putting the smarties, gumdrops and candy on the house and not in her mouth....okay a couple went into the mouth...but she was great about not eating any more!! We are giving the gingerbread house to my mom...her great-gramma.....a "sweet" Merry Christmas.

I am totally wasted now.
so .....good night ......sweet dreams.....

one jumped over the cuckoo's nest.....

2006-12-14T18:59:00.000-08:00

It would seem that lately I have had a large amount of (uh....for lack of a better word) TENSION in my life.
I have often over extended myself trying to "help" someone, but lately I have felt as though I have OVER extended myself and am needing to draw back in and regroup, stabilize and find a balancing act that works for me. It doesn't seem to relieve the "tension" when work situations arise and they are not work related but personality related. That a friend who was only 55 yrs. old just up and passed away quite suddenly over the weekend, causing a complete whirlwind of emotions to slide in and out of my life. My sister-in-law was best friends with the gentlemans wife, my brother was stranded in NWT (he is out as of now) causing stress to heighten and a multitude of other circumstances that are circling about. I have tried to deal with situations as they arise, but it would seem that when your in a little bit of a weakened state....the arrows, the hurdles, the valley seems to be sharper, taller and deeper than I am able to handle.
I think I was at my wits end this evening when I decided to make a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner and heated the pan...the butter "smoked" a little but the sandwich did not burn. My sweet hubby decided at that moment to kindly remind me that I had burned the hamburgers the other night in the same pan and noted that "I was really having trouble with that pan?"...
uh...oh...dear.
Too much life circumstance, too much upheaval, too much....too much...
yeah, it feels like I'm in someone's "cuckoo's nest" but, I know that as time move on situations will resolve themselves and balance will happen once again. I just need to remain pro-active instead of reactive.....yeash, so easy to say and sometimes so difficult to do....but God's hand
is comforting and His Spirit is always there.....for that I am grateful.

It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas.....

2006-12-10T13:02:00.000-08:00

We shared food, friendship and laughter last evening. What an enjoyable night. Had a little wine, lots of different cheeses, a major paella, some Fantastic coffee, and the whole thing topped off with much giggling over some very silly issues and situations.
Sitting near the Christmas tree with a full tummy and sharing some great conversation with sincere and caring people who have a similar humor streak running through them.
What great fun. oh...oh..oh...can't forget the dessert ....a chocolate pate....with fresh raspberries...o...h. my that was incredible!

Today is "family" day, we are having our kids over for dinner and plan on making a few fun things, decorating some gingerbread and eating a lot of full on carbs....yep, it's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas.

We had planned on putting up the artificial tree this year, but Brett decided that just was not the way it was going to work this year and while I was at work went out and got a REAL tree and set it up in the living room. I walked into the house and it 'smelled' like Christmas tree.....what a lovely welcoming smell to come into. A nice surprise indeed! So today we decorate the tree, eat more sugary things that I have eaten in two entire years....but, once in a long while.....is just going to have to be okay! Hey, that is what sweat pants were made for....these kinda days....ah...elastic waists.....such a happy thought.

Well, blessings to each and everyone.....enjoy the season with your family and friends.

gestures.....

2006-12-08T12:24:00.000-08:00

Driving down the street the other day and I noticed a vehicle going a little faster than it should coming my way. Uh..so I slowed down a little thinking "I wonder if that guy is gonna turn, real quick"...the man beside me as I glanced over did not have the same idea...he pressed down a little harder on his gas pedal. SO. Yes, the oncoming car did a real quick turn in front of us, not really cutting us off, but closer than would be needed. The guy in the car beside me went NUTZOID, hands flying, arms flapping and one finger poppin' up ! Wow.
Later in the day, I was taking the bus down Acadia, bus driver is not speeding....but some whacko comes flying outta the Tim Horton's parking lot full tilt and it was a near miss, him hitting the bus in the side. He, the driver (Whacko), throws his hands up in the air and his lips start fluttering....oh, brother. But wait.....in the passenger side of the vehicle is a young lad of maybe eight,....isn't that JUST GREAT that he gets to witness first hand his Dad mouthing off at a huge bus that was minding it's own business!
What is wrong with these people?

This morning, I happen to be walking past our livingroom window and I heard a police siren...so I watched out the window. Sure enough a little grey vehile whips past the house, turns into the parking lot a few yards away...slip, sliding away,...as they are travelling too fast for road conditions as well. The officer pulls in behind said vehicle and
gets out to "chat" with the driver.....I don't want his job. Too many "road rage" type of people out there for my liking!
The phone rang so I never finished seeing the scene finish out with the little grey vehicle.

The other gesture that is so common, is the one were you let a vehicle "merge" into your lane and you do it happily.
The other driver generally USED to give a wave of thanks. Not so much anymore, it's THEIR right I guess that you let them in.

Oh..and this may not be a gesture....but .....people who smoke, talk on their cell phone and drive at the same time....just how exactly is that humanly possible????

a mother's gift

2006-12-03T08:27:00.000-08:00

Dr. Ben Carson -"I not only saw and felt the difference my mother made in my life, I am still living out that difference as a man".
Dr. Carson's Mom only had a grade three education, worked as a household domestic to pay bills, raising two small boys as a single Mom. She guided those two young lads through school with a lovely but firm hand....she raised one of America's finest neurosurgeons as well as a strong light for the gospel of Christ.

I can only imagine the fights she had to put up with throughout the young lives of those two young lads. But through her faith and tenacity she walked each day knowing she was doing what was best for the future of her children. I believe most Mothers try to do that for their children.

I have been reading the story of Hannah, if you have never read it....it's an extra-ordinary story of unquestionable faith, love as well as suffering. It made me stop in my tracks, literally. So many times, when I give my kids a hug, they just think (I'm sure) that it's just Mom giving another hug, but what they don't know many times over I give thanks to the Lord as I hug them for their presence in my life. I am so thankful for "who" they each turned out to be, different as night and day those two, but I see them through a Mom's eyes and am thankful each day for the gifts they have each given me throughout this life.

Hannah gave up her first born, Samuel, after being barren for so many years then finally having a son, only to keep her promise to give him to the Lord. Which she did, she took him to the priest Eli and gave her son over to God's keeping. Wow. Hannah understood her faith in God, stood firm in it. I have learned much from the story of Hannah. The first thing I noted was to continally stand firm in what I believe to be true....don't let others influence my belief system unless it feels right and I understand it's truth.....I am answerable for ME....therefore I need to stand firm in what I believe, trust God to guide me always. There are many other noteable things, but I have already taken up a lot of your time.
I wish that Hannah's passion would somehow strengthen our faith, today.

God's blessings to all.
My thoughts for today........

What do you mean you DON'T AGREE with me?

2006-12-02T09:18:00.000-08:00

oh, bother.
I have walked the hill of learning lately. The curve was steep, but I think I have come out a little wiser....hopefully it sticks.
The conclusion I have come to is simple. My life, my circumstance, my choices (daily, weekly, yearly?), my belief system all make up for MY opinion, MY choices...it also gives me some patience in "seeing" someone else's choice. Their reasoning for making their own choices comes from who they are, where they come from, what they believe...sometimes the WHY can be a little foggy.
During a conversation the other evening with a friend, she vehemently wanted me to be agree with her on a point she was trying to make. I could not. I did not have the same feelings as she did, I did not "come" from her point of view. Her passion for this "announcement" was not mine. I could, however, see her point. I just did not agree with her outlook on it. Did I HAVE to? no. Did she WANT me to? yes, but I did not come from her way of thinking. I am dealing with a different set of issues, a different set of circumstances....I have compassion for her, I can comprehend her feelings but mine are not on the same level....we are not going to be like minded on this issue. It upset her.
That was unfortunate to say the least.

My issues are MINE, they come from my own enviroment, my own space, they are mine to deal with as best as I can, when I can.
A friend is someone who will walk beside you during happy times, crisis moments, even just to be company....they don't always agree with you....we found that out and understood that we won't always agree with each other's opinions or decision but friendship should not be based on such things.

I suppose it comes down to little things, as well. I love milk. A friend of mine claims she "hates" it and makes horrid faces when I happen to mention the word. I lapsed. I spoke of how I love hot milk with vanilla added. She responded with a quick, MINE is better....I like a new chai tea. blah...blah...blah. the thought that popped into my head, was wait a minute....why is yours better??? Its just different, it's better for you...not me. Not better.

Silly how we can hinge on words other speak sometimes, huh.
Anyway I just wanted to let you in on the way my head has been thinking lately and a reminder that How I think and respond may not be YOUR happy thought, but it's mine. Lets not judge to quickly, condemn or draw conclusion that could put us at odds with one another.
Freedom of speech is a wonderful priviledge. But freedom to put foot in mouth, well....that's just uncomfortable for a lot of reasons.

fffffreezing....I tell ya....ffrreezing

2006-11-30T16:31:00.000-08:00

Wow. Had to wait over 1/2 an hour (rough estimate, cause I believe it was longer!) for my bus to come. By this time, there are just a shwack of people waiting to get on the same bus....one stop and it's full with people standing! oh, man....then the driver announced that the bus is not going to go it's full route, it's gonna turn around at the next terminal after "expressing" it to said terminal. Uh, a lady on the bus...verbally expressed herself...over that decision!! She was a single Mom of two and needed to get home, as she was already 1/2 an hour late..now this. I felt sorry for her, but what's the driver gonna do but follow "headquarters" instructions. A lot of very upset people on the bus tonight...wait let me amend that...a lot of cold, shivering upset people on the bus ride home tonight. It sure felt good to get inside the house where it's nice and warm.

I am not sure but the snow we have in our front yard pretty much matches the amount of snow we had ALL of last Winter, ALREADY. Really. I bought a Farmer's Almanac....generally speaking maybe Saskatchewan doesn't have a lot of snow as a province but I tell ya,..my front yard sure does!

This weekend, plan to watch the MI-3 movie with Tom Cruise in it. I am NOT a fan of the Tom-cat, never have been but I did like MI-1 & MI-2....so will give this one a check out and see if it's any good. A friend of mine watched the new James Bond movie at the theatre last night, she came to work all dreamy eyed over the new James Bond. Me thinks....NAH. I wait for it on DVD, and even then....I dunno. I like to watch movies but I really need to be in as specific mood for them....I seldom get to watch a romantic comedy which would be my favorite, but the hubby doesn't care for them at all. I have brought a few home and watched them myself, that was okay..not great, but okay. ...it's better to laugh when someone else can laugh with you....I find it ODD to laugh out loud in a room when I am by myself....strange feeling that.

Well, I am thinking hot chocolate & marshmallows....and a warm blanket.....
stay warm folks.....

it's official....

2006-11-26T12:56:00.000-08:00

Well, it's always been official. But as of yesterday it's exactly one month until Christmas day. I have done little Christmas shopping, I don't have anything to get that is .....hard to find items, so Christmas shopping is about being creative this year not unlike most years, but this year...I plan on using my creative juices and try to find a bit of a theme for a couple of presents I will buy. "How to relax" is the theme, me thinks. Watching the general public, close friends and noticing that we don't really take a lot of time to relax. I don't mean going off to Mexico, taking a cruise and such....I mean everyday moments when you need to sit back and just be. So, I am putting on my thinking cap and trying to make a one female gift and one male gift of " relax". Not sure of the things I would place into these packages, if anyone out there has some grand idea then please pass it along. It's always nice to have some tried and true ideas.

I have begun to decorate the house a little with Winter seasonal things as well as a little Christmas cheer. There is something different within the house when it's got some "added spice" to it, seems to bring out a little happier feeling along with the comfort of home. I would like to think there is something to the theory of scents giving us a feeling of comfort, more energy and such.....cause I love to use my little wax melting, aroma filling the air 'thingey' that my Mom bought me a few years ago. I love the smell of McIntosh apple, cinnamon or even Christmas Eve.....they make the house smell good. Very comforting. I used to put a apple and cinnamon in a pie plate and tuck that into the oven for a bit....but, everyone coming in the door thought they were about to eat Apple crumble or apple pie....uh, no...I was just making the house smell good. Faces fell and I felt kinda bad...so now it's the little wax wafer on a little plate above the tealight...and for the most part no one has thought there was fresh baking to be had. All good!!

My husband made a stew for dinner tonight, I will make the dumplings later on. Now really what a great thing to have on a chilly winter day, I just might put on a little Christmas music.....hmmm...not a bad idea.
later folks.....
fa..la...la...la..la..........la...la...la...la......