Tomorrow....tomorrow....

I spend the day in the hospital tomorrow.
My 84 year old Dad is having a procedure done, it should affirm what the Doctor believes to be the reason his blood is so terribly low. The Doctor tried pills, shots and diet to have his blood be raised to a normal level, all that has failed...it continues to drop. My arm is now larger than my Dad's, he cannot twist open a jar lid, he is worn out after having a shower...he lays and rests to regain the strength he loses after such a ordinary task, Dad is pale and at times his eyes are so "open wide" he looks like a deer that got caught in headlights. Life is draining away. He is fading from this life.
It breaks my heart to watch him, slowly become a frail shell of what he once was. This is the man that personified patience, as he carved wood into a amazing piece of furniture, watched over me as I fumbled to learn how to use a skill saw, a drill and sandpaper - he believed in me - that I would learn, be careful and do it the right way if he just guided me through. He through example taught me honesty is a worthy friend and ally. Dad has shown me throughout my life what humble looks like, modest is something that comes from within yourself as you give out to others. He is my biggest fan, my quiet and noble Dad. I am aware he is not perfect, he used to cuss like a sailor, actually I think he may have taught them a word or two, his faults when they arose were few, but dandys! But, always he was THERE. When I smucked up the car in my early days of driving, he never yelled at me...calmly asked what happened and we went about the process of repairing my damaged ego and his damaged car. When I slammed the back door out of anger, he gently would call me back and ask me not to return to the scene as an emotional teenager....but to remember that doors are not slammed shut in anger...they are always thoughtfully and gently closed....and I could leave, but return in 30 minutes and finish the conversation....AFTER, I gently closed the back door! Over the years I have witnessed how love for my Mom was unconditional, in each and every circumstance life threw them, in good times and not so good times, he was never going anyway but was always by her side. Well, except when it came to hospital visits...and that in hindsight was just as well he did not attempt to visit as we would have been lifting him off the floor and watching out for Mom. Dad and hospitals don't mix, he sorta faints....pretty much every time he has to be in one...he has a bit of a "moment" lets say. So...tomorrow, when we enter the doors to the hospital we are covered in courage, strength and grace of God.....tomorrow we will likely understand what it is that is causing him to be in this state of health. Tomorrow I will be the one to watch over him, to hold him up in case he struggles, to pick him up if need be and see him safely home....the roles are reversed a bit, but the love Dad has for his daughter will add to the strength I get from my heavenly Father....we will walk strong and tall....together.

tomorrow....tomorrow......